My husband of eight years moved to another city for a high-profile job; he’s attractive and enjoys female attention. 

I’m unsure whether he’s ever cheated, and we’re great partners when together, but I’m sure he’s vulnerable on his own.

He’d like me to move there soon, but I have an ailing mother back home whose care I oversee.

- Nervous

Join Hubby: Establish yourself as The Constant Wife, in his new setting and among his new associates. 

Set up caregiver visits for your mom, plus ways to keep in touch frequently. Once your new home life settles, you can travel to Mom for visits, on a regular basis that she can expect.

I’m female, 50, married 27 years, with grown kids on their own; we came here to North America eight years ago. 

Our marriage was never happy, I suffered a lot from his adultery, he abused me mentally. Life here changed us a lot and we don’t understand each other any more because we’re so different.

Now I can’t live with him any more; I can’t handle the pain he caused me. I think a separation will be better but I’m afraid to leave my husband alone. He’s very attached to me. His English is poor, he can’t make any calls; just last week he made his first bank payments of invoices, in eight years! It’ll be like leaving a child alone.

So, I can’t live with him yet can’t leave him. I need your advice, I feel tired to even think about it.

- Troubled and Torn

Rest your mind from decision-making, and daydream a bit about what, realistically, you’d like your life to look like in five years. Possible examples: More friends outside the home, some travel, more fitness activities, a job or hobby you like? If you think these kinds of non-extravagant wishes are unachievable by remaining with your husband, then separate. He’s NOT a child, you’re not his mother. 

When he cheated and caused you pain, he managed to do so without needing you. He can clearly learn to pay bills too.

Now put your serious thinking cap on: Do you like having to take care of him, and is this how you gained power in the relationship these past years? If you want to continue this role, put away your anger from the past.

Since everything’s changed, make the present and his need for you, the new reality. But only if you turn it around to be something you want and now choose.

My boyfriend of four years recently went through a life crisis, and found Christianity. I’ve always been a private Christian. 

Lately, he’s been nagging me for my views and preaching about my lack of commitment to God and the Bible. It’s ruining our relationship with constant fights, when we actually have the same religion!

I’ve stated my feelings but he feels strongly about his views and teachings. Should I just let this pass?

- Religious Battles

He has a passion for religion, you don’t. It’ll be hard to stay together if you remain on opposite sides of this issue, so I suspect that “letting it pass” is not an option. If you love him dearly, and see benefits to him from his devotion, it’s worth your at least trying to appreciate his perspective. 

But if you find you simply can’t live that way, say so. Better to take a break from each other and assess going separate ways, than to endure the frustrations and resentments of an ongoing battle.

I’m a gay male, 20, single for three years. 

My last boyfriend cheated on me and stood me up several times. Now it seems guys either don’t like my looks or my voice.

I’ve tried to stay optimistic by going to clubs, coffee shops, youth centres, and online dating. All have failed badly.

Why is it harder for some people to be in a relationship than others?

- Lonely in Chicago

Some people – including you – are looking too hard, and analyzing too much. A relationship should be developed, not seized on and plucked out of a crowd. It means spending time getting to know someone, even if there’s no instant “click.” 

It also requires developing confidence in yourself. If your presentation (looks, voice) are a frequent turn-off, change what you can, and learn to handle what you can’t.

Stay optimistic, and broaden your interests and network, rather than your search.