For the last ten years my mom's accused my dad of cheating; they're both in their 60's. They work together and spend almost every minute together. Her "evidence" is that he stays late at work every so often or goes to another work site.

He works really hard to provide for our large family - ten hours a day, six to seven days a week. I've seen him fall asleep at work, only to wake up later and work until the wee hours. He loves my mom, but I know her accusations hurt him and I fear that eventually he won't be able to take it anymore.

She's relentless with her accusations, which are brought about without any reason. I'm not sure how to reassure her. I suggested my dad get a cell phone or a GPS tracker, so my mom can see and talk to him whenever she wishes.

Why I believe he's innocent:

1) I lived with my parents until recently and never witnessed any weird behaviour ever.

2) He's grungy/plain and would never "dress up" or display those telltale signs of someone going to cheat.

3) My dad has never lied.

4) He has no cell phone, we all know his email passwords, there's always someone around him when he's on a landline (big family).

Worried Daughter

If you're not a lawyer already, consider becoming one - you'd deliver a great Summary Argument for the Defense before the judge. However, I'm not the judge or jury, and neither are you.

Your dad may well be among the "wrongly accused," but your mom's troubled about something and maybe it's time someone listened to find out WHY instead of what.

As you describe it, she's had a large family, they have little privacy as a couple, and he's always working. Add it up and her accusations sound more like a cry for help. Since they turned 50, she's been asking for more proof of his faithfulness and love.

Yes, she's going about it the wrong way, but she wanted to be heard. I believe you that your Dad's innocent of cheating, but I also believe he should sit down with his wife, acknowledge that they're both hurting from the current set-up, and plan taking regular breaks from work and family, together.

I've been working on contract with a woman whose consulting business has been suffering because many of her clients switched elsewhere.

She blamed it all on a competitor who'd once worked with her; they argued and he left to open his own similar operation. The clients that had been "his," preferred his style or were used to him.

She's decided to close her office and retire. I've been invited to join the other consultant. Yet this woman is known to be vindictive; she'll take it personally and badmouth me publicly, as she did to this other man.

How do I make the move without risking my reputation in this field?

Tight Spot

She's vindictive, that's her reputation. So few people will take her negative comments seriously. You need to move where you can earn your living, and hold your head high for doing nothing wrong.

However, make sure you take your leave graciously. If there's anything positive to be said about how she originally welcomed you into her business, and how you two got along, say it. Wish her well; even bring her a small gift of something you know she likes - fine chocolates, wine or the like.

Then say where you were invited to work and that you're accepting the opportunity - without apology.

My father has some shortcomings: alcoholism, passive-aggressive and controlling behavior, tantrums, fear of change, stubbornness.

He doesn't go out, travel or do anything special, though he can afford it. I missed out on many trips, events, and outings while growing up, as he forcibly kept me at home. Now that I'm on my own I've realized how bad it was.

Yet in rough times I resort to the same behavior that I witnessed as a child (verbal and physical abuse). Should I seek therapy?

Concerned

You've looked in the mirror, seen your father's image, and wisely understand it's a reality that could happen unless you learn new ways.

"Rough times" bring ingrained reactions, even when you know they're wrong and can create more trouble.      

Fortunately, a good therapist CAN help you achieve instant recognition of those old patterns, plus healthier responses when faced with stress or conflict. Seek therapy, now.