I love my wife but she's not the high-school sweetheart I married - she's gone from slim, active, fun-loving and sexy, to overweight, exhausted, and uninterested in sex.

I'm not a jerk. I realize that three kids, all born 18 months apart, changed her life. But they're all in school and she won't even consider going to work. She says she's out of touch with the work world, and hasn't the right wardrobe or attitude for it.

So how come if she's home all day while I'm the one working long hours, she can't get rested and enthused for our sex life? Even when it happens, it's always hurry-up, so she can fall asleep.

She's tried countless diets, gives up and gains back more weight, then gets depressed and avoids me in bed even more. I'm so fed up I'm thinking of going elsewhere for sex!

Frustrated and Restless

Okay you're not a jerk, and - understandably - you're VERY frustrated; you're also hurt, feeling neglected, and throwing up your hands in response. Ironically, it's similar to your wife giving up on her self-image, which is what affects her feelings about sex.

You were a hot team in high school, but married life and raising kids have chilled your joint ability for teamwork and problem solving.

Sex isn't the main issue, though it's how she pushes you away, and how you assess your life with her. It's the symptom. The overriding problem is that you two have gone separate ways while under the same roof.

Your wife has ALSO lost the girl she was, but hasn't found the woman she wants to be. Help her the best you can. Instead of urging more sex, urge more togetherness, more time together doing things outside the house, with and without the kids.

Go to a nutritionist together, and learn to re-direct how the family shops and eats; bring exercise into your family schedule - anything from regular walks, to tossing a ball at a park, to a family gym membership.

As you show your wife more attention, she'll respond with increased confidence. That may be enough to spark greater intimacy, more and better sex, more self-care on her part. If you still need a boost to keep it going, try going for couples' counseling together, with positive intent.

I'd been a manager for a life insurance company then got unexpectedly terminated. Within days I suffered physical pains and my physician diagnosed depression. He prescribed medication and referred me to a psychologist.

Weeks later, I submitted my disability claim; two months later it was reviewed. They retroactively approved my short-term claim but I was no longer eligible due to the delay.

However, I could now apply for long-term benefits. I re-submitted my application along with physician and psychologist reports. I was informed I'd be sent for assessment by the company's "independent" psychiatrist.

It looks like "my own" insurance company's stalling to avoid paying.

Upset

Don't let the process add to your pain. Unfortunately, it's not unusual for insurance companies to take time dealing with mountains of claims, and seek confirmation of medical reports.

What's truly miserable is the effect these delays can have on people already ill and worried about finances. I strongly advise you to protect your emotional health by getting someone trusted (family, friend, insurance broker) to diligently spearhead this claim for you, and to investigate all available ways to lodge any complaints.

I work in New York for a Paris-based company; on a flight to a home-office meeting, I met a divorced French lawyer and we hit it off. During six months of glamorous jet set and long-distance dating, we fell in love. Now he wants me to live with him in his home (a small city, not close to Paris) to decide if we'll marry.

He won't move here, as his two school-age children live in his city. I'd be giving up a great job, and taking on a completely different lifestyle. Do you think the risks are too great?

Confused

There are risks in all relationships, but when big changes are involved from the start, the feelings should be strong and sure on both sides. Take time. Ask your boss for a leave of absence for awhile or use all your vacation time "trying out" your adjustment to both the locale, and to your role as future step-Mom.