I’m engaged to a wonderful woman, we’re both late-40s, I love her dearly but I have real trouble getting along with her sister’s husband, who’s frequently part of our lives (the sisters speak every day).  
      This brother-in-law, 54, is given to rants and sudden anger, which can result in outbursts of racial or ethnic slurs against strangers. Recently, when we were out with family including him, he approached a taxi driver who was stopped at a red light and was given a silent hand signal that the driver’s shift was over.  
      The guy started shouting at him with racist remarks, and kicked his cab door. I feared the driver would get out and punch him but fortunately drove away. My girlfriend refuses to discuss her brother-in-law as a problem, though he often treads the line with me, too, with anti-Irish “jokes.” How do I handle this guy without ruining my relationship?
      - Family or Foe?

He’s a train wreck waiting to happen and your fiancée does him and her sister no favour by looking the other way. Tell her that this isn’t personal between you and him; it’s about this man’s mental health, which is worrisome and could become dangerous to those close to him.  
      He needs to be checked for any medical reason for his anger; and/or he needs anger management therapy. However, it’s not up to you to diagnose him. Your fiancée and her other close family should a heart-to-heart talk with her sister, to bring a reality check to this guy’s behaviour.   
      Her sister needs to hear the open concern and support of her family, since she’s undoubtedly experienced fearful moments with this guy, herself. Approach this with your fiancée as a couple’s issue and as a caring participant in her family life, not as a critic.

On our honeymoon eight years ago, we met another newlywed couple from New York, and became fast friends; we arranged to visit at each other’s homes. It became our annual vacation plan – we’d have “free” accommodation with each other, and go out on the town, sharing the costs.  
      Meanwhile, we had two children and moved to a suburb; they stayed childless, living in an upscale apartment. Staying with them has become expensive (beyond our costs of having a babysitter help my Mom look after our kids).  
      They eat out every night at pricey restaurants. Every outing in Manhattan costs a lot. When they come here, we just barbeque, hang out, and go to parks and malls, yet they seem to love it. I don’t know how to tell them we can’t afford their lifestyle any more.  
      I’m afraid it’ll insult them and harm the friendship but my husband and I don’t look forward to the same-old over-priced visit, which no longer feels like a holiday.
      - Awkward

Try on this thought: The other couple may feel just as out of sync with your lifestyle, and be relieved to hear suggestions of a change in plans. Decide what you and your husband consider a real vacation. Then, call your friends and offer a new plan, that you meet somewhere neutral (and affordable for you).  
      Say that a change of venue will be a chance for all of you to do new things and see new places. If your week-long vacation plans now include your children, tell your friends you’ll understand if they prefer to skip that one and suggest you four have a couples’ weekend trip somewhere instead.

Our youngest daughter’s wedding was a year ago; when her older sisters got married, my husband’s best friend and wife attended from out of town, and gave them each candle-holders plus a $400 cheque.  
      This wedding was a similar event. They attended, but only gave our daughter the candle-holders. Should I have said something, in case the cheque got lost? Both previous times, they handed it directly to my husband to give to our children.
      - Uncertain

No, you cannot ask about the cheque as if it were their obligation to give the same gift. They would know if the cheque got misplaced or lost, that it hadn’t been cashed. (There’s little possibility of someone else forging a signature, since they usually give it directly).  
      More likely, the couple had reasons for cutting back on their previous generosity … and they wouldn’t necessarily confide any reduced income or poor investments, etc. Be gracious, and silent.