My son, 18, is convinced that driving while impairedon weed is okay. I find his stand ridiculous. He also says he’s already been stopped while stoned, and been in cars that have been stopped by the police, and all they do is take away any drug paraphernalia they find.  
      I’ve told him that he can longer drive the family car because his views indicate that I cannot trust him with our car. He’s bought his own car now and feels I have no control over whether he drives while stoned. I worry about him getting hurt or hurting someone else.
      - Concerned

There are two issues here: 1) the legalities and safety of driving while stoned; 2) the relationship between you and your son.  
      While some jurisdictions are cracking down more on drivers’ marijuana use, there are also places where police appear less inclined to lay charges, so long as there was no accident. As a parent, you need to be fully knowledgeable yourself about the law as it exists, and how it’s applied.       
      As for safety, here’s what the National Institute says definitively on Drug Abuse (NIDA) part of the National Institutes of Health (NIH), a component of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services:         
      “Marijuana affects many skills required for safe driving - alertness, concentration, coordination, and reaction time. Marijuana use can make it difficult to judge distances and react to signals and sounds on the road.”
      Your son needs to know that your concerns weren’t a bid for control; but rather that you care deeply about his well-being, and that he doesn’t hurt others. It doesn’t really matter whose car he’s driving if he crashes it and dies, or emerges disfigured, disabled, or responsible for someone else’s tragedy.

Dear Readers: A question about a couple noting preference for cash gifts in their wedding invitation  (August 17) aroused much reaction. I responded that the choice of “cash over cookware” had become popular since bride and groom have often accumulated the usual gift items, and are saving for a home, a car, etc.
      But I added: “That doesn’t mean guests should be intimidated to give more than what they’d have spent on a gift item.”
Here are some of your responses:

A:  It’s not crass to prefer money to physical gifts. But conveying this is done the same way registry information is spread - by the family of the bride and groom and the honour attendants telling people.      
      A written statement suggests that we’re throwing the wedding to get the gifts.  
      A:  We’re a little older and established, with our own home and all the necessities, so we did prefer "cash to cookware." However, we didn’t even consider being so crass and rude as to REQUEST this, on the invitations or anywhere else.  A gift is just that, a GIFT, not an entitlement.
      A:  If the bride and groom have enough things they could request that in lieu of gifts a donation be made to their favourite charity.
      A:  Today's children, for the most part, are spoiled and demanding (courtesy of us, the parents). I’ve received many wedding shower or baby shower invitations where it actually stated "money shower only.” My friend received a note in the wedding invitation asking for monetary contributions towards a honeymoon package to be paid directly to the travel agent!!!
      If they want money to put towards their mortgage, they should just save it like the rest of us did.

My husband and I (late-50s) are constantly bickering over stupid small stuff, even in front of our family and friends. He’s acknowledged this too. We still love each other, and have always been able to discuss any serious problems we faced (money, in-laws). But we keep nattering about when something happened, who said what, etc. Is this just part of us getting older?
      - Stressed

Continuous bickering - even over petty things – is no small matter. It stresses everyone around you, too, and wastes precious time together. It can even erode your comfort level with each other. Bring the same rational approach to this problem as you did to the big ones.
      Find an agreed signal that cools the moment and helps you realize that the “right” answer isn’t important. Try doing something new together, like a dance class or book club, to bring new interest into your time as a couple.