I'm in love with a divorced man with a daughter, aged ten. I don't have a relationship with her yet; I think I should wait until we’re "official."

We live in different cities, but I’m working with a job recruiter so I can move to him but not be dependent.

We've spoken frequently about getting married and agreed to be in the same city first.

He’s been very successful and would love me to give up my career. I’ve not reached my career peak, not ready to "retire" yet. He reluctantly understands.

Meanwhile, I can't stop thinking about the fact that he pays his ex-wife a substantial amount in support (in addition to child support, which I have zero problem with).

She doesn’t work, apparently hasn’t tried to look for work. She had a good career before she had the child, so she can be employed again if she wanted to.

He and I want to have children as soon as we get married. I'll probably have to keep working to maintain the current lifestyle.

Supporting two families will be taxing on him. But I don't want him to have to work all the time.

I want him to spend the time with his new family. I know I'm ranting, but it doesn't seem fair. I want to marry him, enjoy our financial success, and not have to share it with his ex-wife, who chooses not to work.

Is this something that we should deal with before we get too serious? Before I move?

Riled Up

There’s a lot to deal with instead of ranting. Start talking with your lover about what he really wants – a home-based wife or a career-interested partner. Weigh what you can handle – including close involvement with a stepdaughter whose mother you’ll also have to coordinate with.

Also, talk about both your thoughts on having his daughter (whom you’ve avoided so far) regularly in your life, and co-operating with her mom on those plans.

Learn, too, what ex-wives are entitled to in that jurisdiction, and details of the legal settlement to which your guy agreed.

You’d be wise to consider if you were in similar shoes to hers. She gave up ten years of a career to raise her child… likely a mutual decision between them, initially.

Meanwhile, she’s lost those ten years of earning power to fill the same wifely role he’s now asking of you - to stop working, have kids, and be at his side when possible.

Why do women not want to date short guys?

Brief Reflection

Some women don’t, but many others don’t worry so much about height differences. And with today’s stiletto heels, even average-height guys have to look up to their dates.

If you’re one of those short guys, walk tall with confidence. You can’t change the measurement, but you can win high stakes for projecting an upbeat, self-assured personality.

Take a page from the book of several Hollywood stars whose lower height didn’t shorten their careers or attractiveness to women: Christian Slater’s 5’7”, as is Tom Cruise. Elijah Wood and Jack Black are 5’5”; Emilio Estevez and Richard Dreyfus are 5’4”; and Dudley Moore, 5’2”… and more.

Now ask yourself: why do some men think only model-thin women are hot dates? Because they need that sense of arm candy to think of themselves as cool dudes.

By contrast, you should seek out women who are self-assured, look them in the eye, and show them who you are.

My siblings and I are all one year apart, 30's, all with young children. Since my mother's passing, my older sister now thinks she’s the family matriarch. She’s easily frustrated when anyone opposes her on family matters, going silent for weeks or months.

She deems it the siblings’ responsibility to call her, or accuses us of keeping her out of the loop.

When I told her my doctor had ordered a Caesarian delivery of my baby (second time) for medical reasons, she scoffed and called me lazy.

Everyone brushes off her rude opinions and commentary, caves in, and forgives her, not to "stir her pot.” What do I do?

Fed Up Sis

Try to care less, live your life focused on your own immediate family, call when you feel like it, and say, “I’m not accepting this” when she’s rude. It’s a personality difference and she’s unlikely to change.

But you can change your reaction.