I have a friend with whom I’ve shared two decades of friendship. I love her and think she’s an interesting, funny and warm person. We have weathered several personal storms and support each other.

But for some reason, I leave every encounter feeling as though I was invisible. It’s not as though she talks and talks, but even though I am engaged in the conversation, I end up feeling as though we didn’t discuss anything about me or my life.

I talked to one of our mutual friends about it and she didn’t agree with me. She said that when we’re all together, the conversation is a continuous flow, and everyone gets a chance to speak. I told her to pay closer attention next time we were together.

That just recently happened and after our night, the mutual friend called on her way home and was incredulous that I had been right! That somehow, even though we three were all engaged in conversation, this friend never asked about us, and our lives never got discussed.

It wasn’t my intent to upset this mutual friend, but now she’s up in arms. How can I calm her down but also highlight the issue for the friend in question?

Invisible but not Alone

Talk your mutual friend off the ledge. Her anger isn’t going to help the situation. Then make a date with your self-centred friend and tell her you have something important you need to discuss. Without making a game of it, see how long it takes her to ask you why you called the meeting and what the important issue is. Then tell her how you’re feeling. She may simply not realize she’s doing it.

Tell her you cherish the friendship but you’re feeling lost in her life, and unimportant in her world. If she’s apologetic, shows remorse, give her another chance. 20 years of friendship is worth the effort. However, if she doesn’t agree, or gets defensive, or shows no concern, it may be time to wrap it up. You have other friends, and you know how to nurture your friendships.

I moved into a fun apartment complex last year, with my dog and young daughter. Almost every apartment is a family of some configuration, and many have young kids. My daughter has made numerous friends and is very happy there. There’s always a game of some kind happening in the backyard, and friendly adults willing to help in any way you can imagine.

My first week in, I had a plumbing issue. While waiting for a plumber to arrive, my neighbour offered to take a look and fixed the problem. Turns out he is a plumber, so I cancelled the call.

Two months into our stay, I had to run out last minute to get my daughter some medicine, and had her bundled up for the ride, when another elderly neighbour was just walking in from grabbing a coffee and offered to watch her for the 20 minutes it took to run to the pharmacy and back.

My brother thinks I’m too trusting and should watch my back. Is he right?

Naïve Neighbourhood

I can’t answer that. You need to think first and foremost of your child’s health, safety and well-being. And of yours and the dog’s. Trust your gut. If it feels good, it probably is. But take baby steps. Trust is something people need to earn.

FEEDBACK Regarding the 90-year-old couple (April 15; June 29):

Reader – “A few summers ago, when my mother-in-law was 90 and living almost two hours away from us, she hit the crisis we’d been predicting for quite some time. Over the years, I’d asked her to start considering what her next moves might be, not to actually move, but thinking about what she would like. That way, she would have choices.

“The health crisis came and her physician told her it was time to move. This was so incredibly stressful for her. She was unable to really participate in the packing, culling and selling of her house, not to mention the selection of her next residence. She moved in with us for several weeks, extremely reluctant to move into her new retirement apartment, 15 minutes away from our house.

“When she finally moved, she found to her delight that it was quite enjoyable. Having the option to go and eat prepared meals, having a community, and not having to worry about a whole host of household responsibilities was quite freeing. And she reconnected with so many people from when she lived in the area decades ago.”