Every year for the past 12 years, my sister and I have celebrated Thanksgiving together. We do dinner at hers and lunch at mine, then switch the next year. We both have young children, partners, in-laws, extended family and mutual friends who we include. Our menus stay mostly consistent year to year, and we take everyone’s dietary issues and allergies into consideration.

I love celebrating Thanksgiving with my sister, my brother-in-law, and my niece and nephew! It’s tradition and I love creating traditions for my children to appreciate and come to expect.

Just the other day, I started the conversation about menu, shopping, prep, etc., when she informed me that she’s been invited out this year – and accepted! I was literally gobsmacked! And, on top of that, she told me she’s been invited by mutual friends of ours who have been to both of our homes numerous times for dinner, lunch or both!

Why was I left out of this invitation, and how could my sister accept?

Turkey Traitor

Let’s look at both questions separately. Why weren’t you invited? If we’re being kind, perhaps the friend feels closer to your sister and only had room for one of your families this year, with full intention of inviting you next year. Maybe, but…. she could have communicated that to you. Or she’s simply not a very thoughtful person.

Why did your sister accept? Have you two had a falling out? Does she feel like the bulk of the work falls on her? Is she sick of the dance? Or is she tired, busy and simply welcomed the reprieve of the responsibility of hosting? No matter her reason, she absolutely should have told you as soon as she was asked, at the very least to give you time to decide what you want to do this year.

I suggest you talk to her, after you’ve simmered, and ask her what’s going on. You deserve an explanation.

I'm in a troubling circumstance and don’t know how to handle a dark situation.

The back story: a mother was wronged by a family member when she was little; the mother didn't tell me how long it went on for, but she did share that the man who wronged her apologized when they were adults. She didn't share if she told anyone, but my assumption is she didn't because she told me not tell anyone and her abuser goes to my church.

The mother also shared how her daughter was now being wronged by her second husband. He has overstepped many boundaries when it comes to her child, but she hasn’t gone to the authorities to get this man away from her youngest child, nor has she informed the father about the situation.

I don't know what’s happened since because the mother and I had a falling out and I don't know what’s been done, if anything.

Should I go to the authorities and share with them what has been told to me? I don’t have any proof of evidence of what she shared, and I'm looking to handle a situation with the upmost consideration for the child.

Not a bystander

You MUST either call Children’s Aid or the police if you suspect any form of child abuse. In Ontario, it is the law. Section 125 of the Child, Youth and Family Services Act, 2017 (CYFSA) states that members of the public, including professionals who work with children, must promptly report any suspicions that a child or youth under the age of 16 is, or may be, in need of protection to a Children’s Aid Society. That age has since been raised to 18.

You don’t need hard proof to make a report – that’s the job of the investigators, not yours. It is your duty to report; the child comes first. If you suspect that the child is in immediate danger, call 911. You may find that seeking counselling yourself may help you navigate this painful situation.

FEEDBACK Regarding hospital mistreatment (April 22; July 1):

Reader – “When my mother was in the hospital, I witnessed nursing staff literally running.  I found that when I was getting upset, as my mother was getting upset, I needed to take a little walk to ensure I addressed her issues calmly.  There is an old saying, “you attract more bees with honey than vinegar.”

“People forget that medical staff are only human too and suffer the same stress issues as everyone else.  We often forget that they are not superhuman.

“About a year later, when visiting the hospital for another issue, I met one of the nurses who had gone above and beyond.  She had become a patient due to the level of stress she had been experiencing.  So, one nurse less and one patient more.  Not a reassuring trend.

“Focus your complaints to the correct sources, i.e., your government representatives and NOT front-line staff.”