For several years, I was very good friends with a woman who I met at a baby class. We had enjoyed each other’s company in a class we hadn’t enjoyed as much, so we leaned into each other for laughs and some adult time while still being with our babies.

She went back to work after her mat leave was up, while I figured out how to work from home and then got pregnant with my second very quickly. But she and I managed to keep up the laughs several times a week over the phone.

We talked about our kids, our jobs, our partners and all the funny things that go along with being first time and new parents. About two years into this phone relationship, my brother was in an accident that eventually left him brain dead. His wife was also injured, and I took on their two kids. Things in my life became very heavy, serious, intense and personal.

I tried to share with my friend, to lean on her for support, but she started to not answer, not call me, and when we did connect, her conversation was vacuous and inane. I decided I needed to cull my energies and walk away.

Sometimes I miss her and send a quick text. She rarely responds. What happened?

Fake Friend

It sounds to me as though this friend was the right person, at the right time, with the right mindset. Unfortunately, the friendship was limited to those topics and that time. It could have lasted many more years, if nothing in your lives ever changed, and/or if you never asked any more of her.

But your life took a turn, and you thought your friendship could carry through the change. That’s a normal thought on your part. Clearly, your friend was incapable of finding more depth. Who knows why? Perhaps your issues hit a sore spot, and she didn’t want to go there. Perhaps she liked the ease and simplicity of your friendship because the rest of her world is dark and heavy.

You’re not ever going to know since she has ghosted you. Appreciate the friendship for what it was, when it was. Move on.

My cousin was dating a woman last year and they had a nice relationship. She was very sweet and friendly and got along well with our whole family. She came to Thanksgiving and Christmas, as her family live out of the country. We all liked her a lot.

Unfortunately, the two of them broke up in the spring. We were all sad and disappointed, seemingly more so than he was – or at least than he let on. He seemed fine, said it was mutual and is already dating someone new.

Last week I bumped into his ex and for the first time, I felt a spark of chemistry. I think she felt it too. When we parted ways, she said something along the lines of I should call her and we should get together.

Is that something I should pursue? Or am I breaking some cousin code?

Are All Exes Off Limits?

Whoa! You need to talk to your cousin before you make a move. It’s clear that friendship, or just a light relationship with “my cousin’s ex” isn’t what you’re hoping for here. You mentioned chemistry.

Be honest and forthright with your cousin. No, he doesn’t “own” her, and she could do whatever she wants. As can you. However, it sounds as though you have a close family and you wouldn’t want to cause a huge family rift over a woman you barely know. It’s honestly not worth it. I’m not saying SHE’s not worth it; I’m saying the situation isn’t.

FEEDBACK Regarding stinky feet (June 23):
Reader – “I know of three adults who had terrible stinky feet all their lives and it turned out they were allergic/sensitive to milk and other dairy products. Once they stopped the dairy products, their feet stopped being stinky.

“Perhaps this little boy has a sensitivity to dairy and maybe drinks a lot of milk.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the friend’s dying daughter (June 24):

Reader – “I’m curious why you would suggest she break their boundaries by dropping off food, blankets and photo albums. By doing this, you’re placating the husband and ignoring the couple pleas for privacy and just circumventing that request in a different way. I don’t like it.”

Lisi – Fair. But the couple never said don’t drop off helpful and usable items. They said not to call, text, email or show up. My suggestions were simply to help this family get through this terrible time slightly easier.