One of my daughters is very whiny, very picky, very sensitive, and, to her older siblings, very annoying. Her brother, who is five years older, engages less, which is helpful in that he’s not bothered by her, but disconnects from the rest of us as a result.

Her older sister, who is only two years older than her, can’t take it and pushes her buttons, which winds her up and makes the whole house crazy.

My wife and I don’t condone the youngest’s behaviour, but her older sister makes it that much worse that we then turn our focus on her to stop whatever she’s doing. She then gets very upset that we’re picking on her, when really, it’s the youngest’s behaviour that starts the cycle.

How do we stop this cycle? It’s killing me.

Poke the Bear

You and your wife have four conversations ahead of you: One with each child privately, and a family discussion. With your two older children, find out what it is that their sister does that pushes them over the edge. Everyone has habits that annoy the rest of the family, in every family, but not enough to start a war. So, find out what the “last straw” is for each of them.

With your son, thank him for not engaging negatively with his little sister. Then explain how pulling away also has a negative impact and how you’d prefer him to lean in. With your older daughter, discuss strategies to not go toe-to-toe, but to rather walk away from the situation. For her, positive reinforcement through small tokens may work in the beginning.

Now, with regards to the youngest, you may need to seek some professional help with her behaviours, and you may discover that her issues run deeper than you think. Or not.

Your end goal is to have a peaceful home. Yes, kids argue, kids fight, but it’s a parent’s job to teach them how to engage in a healthy and harmonious fashion.

My best friend just told me that she’s convinced her mom is having an affair. She gave me the full rundown, which I was surprised she’d been spying on her for a few months without saying anything to me. She said she had wanted to be sure and now she was sure.

She had been snooping through her phone and found texts to a man very well-known to the family, who works with her father and they golf together often. The wives have had many lunches, dinners and spent evenings together, though outside of their husbands, they’re not friends.

My friend also told me that she found a bracelet in her mom’s room that she’s never seen before, and when she came down to dinner wearing it, her mom flipped out. Her dad was sort of oblivious, but my friend knew what she was doing.

Now she wants me to help catch her mother, but I don’t know how or if I even want to be involved.

Snoop Dog

You definitively do NOT want to be involved in this caper. I completely understand why your friend wants to catch her mother and what she thinks will happen. Unfortunately, no one knows how her father will react to the news, or how her mother will react, for that matter.

Tell your friend that snooping and catching her mom out aren’t the best methods for moving forward. After speaking to some professionals, the consensus is that this young girl should speak to both parents simultaneously. That way her mother will have nowhere to hide, and her father will be confronted with the facts. I’m not sure I agree because that places the daughter uncomfortably in the middle. Instead, you could suggest that your friend talks to her mom privately first. You could also tell her that though you don’t want to be involved, you support her and will be there for her through the tough stuff.

FEEDBACK Regarding no cheer (June 6):

Reader – “The next time the Cheer Mom says, ‘You're Betsy's mom, right?  the only proper answer is, ‘As always, yes. Betsy's grandmother has been having memory issues too. You should speak with your GP.’

“That should nip that in the bud."

Reader #2 – “I would repeatedly reply: ‘Yes, I am Betsy’s Mom. Are you Lisa’s Mom?  (or whatever the girl’s name is).”

FEEDBACK Regarding coffee for one (June 6):

Reader – “I think the relationship has a serious problem - him. She says she mentioned this to him, but still no morning coffee. Why not? He makes some for himself, how hard would it be to make some for her? And why wouldn't he have already asked her if she would like a coffee to start her day? It wouldn't take much effort to also make her some coffee, which would show how much, (or how little) he cares.”