My girlfriend and I just moved back home after being in university for four years. Both our families are from similar cultures and religions. And both our moms love to cook.

We both grew up with Sunday dinner being the one day of the week where we’re all together, talking about our week, discussing the week ahead and just being together as family. In both our homes, our grandparents would also join, though not every week.

My girlfriend knows that her mom is going to expect her to fall back into the same Sunday night routine, the same way I know my mom will have the same expectation. Neither of us want to disappoint our mothers, or the rest of our family, but we’re just not sure we can make this work.

What do you suggest?

Back to Basics

You and your girlfriend are both very thoughtful for thinking about this ahead of time, before anyone gets hurt or disappointed. My suggestion is quite simple, and I hope it works for you all. Since there are usually four Sundays in each month, plan to be home, alone, with your immediate family, for two of them; have your girlfriend over for one; and go to her house for one. And she should do the same, making sure to align the weeks with you.

In this way, you’re both at home three of the four weeks, which is a goodly number, and you’re incorporating each other into the other’s family.

Try this for the next few months and see how it works. If everyone is flexible, including the moms, this should satisfy everyone.

I just found out that my husband has been cheating on me for over a decade and…. has a child with the woman he’s with when he’s not with me! This is exceptionally difficult because we had to go through a lot of effort to conceive. After much testing, the problem was inconclusive, but I was happy to try anything to make it work. I suggested adoption, I suggested surrogacy, but he hated both those ideas. His final decision was for me to go through painful and invasive IVF treatments, which cost a fortune.

In the end, we did create two beautiful children whom I adore. He was a good dad, but I always found him a bit distracted and not fully engaged, even when we were on vacation. He was always on his phone, “working,” or so I was led to believe.

One day I took my daughter to the dermatologist and afterward, found a local coffee shop to get her a snack. A woman walked in with what looked like her granddaughter and the resemblance was uncanny. Since I had no reason to suspect anything, I walked right up and started chatting with the woman. She saw the resemblance too and we agreed to take a photo with the sole purpose of showing her daughter and my husband.

That’s when the proverbial s-t hit the fan. My husband started rage texting me, and her daughter just told her to leave immediately. But before she left, she hugged me and said, “I’m sorry. I had no idea he was married.”

Played

As awful as it is to end a marriage, you owe this man nothing. Get a lawyer and don’t look back. After 10 years, there’s no going back to what was, no apology big enough, no memories to hold on to. And get yourself a therapist, one who can also talk to your daughter (and your other child) in an age-appropriate manner, and who will help them in the years to come.

FEEDBACK Regarding coffee for one (June 6):

Reader – “This was us: I’d get up and make a coffee first thing, but forget to make hers, because I was doing my pre-marriage morning routine.

“My advice: up the coffee-making game. Buy a device that makes enough for both. Technology has the solution here. Inaugurate a new morning routine. After a week it’ll sink in and after a month, the benefits will be clear.”

Reader #2 – “I totally relate to this boyfriend with his solo morning coffee.  Maybe he just needs time to himself to start his day.  Maybe he was on his own for a long time prior to this relationship and this is his normal early-morning routine.

“However, he could make a pot of coffee so she could help herself when she gets up. But if this is a deal breaker for her, how can they possibly make a future together?  Truly important issues are bound to arise in any relationship.”