My husband and I are very close and spend all our down time together. A few months ago, my husband was let go from the job he was at for 20 years. They gave him a great package, so we weren’t worried from a financial perspective. And the break gave my husband a chance to properly unwind from years of stress.

At first, he was still getting up in the mornings and filling his days with odd jobs around the house (no pressure from me) and helping me out with things I used to always do, like the grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking. He was in great spirits and lots of fun.

That lasted a month. By the second month, he was sleeping later and being less productive during the day. Again, no pressure from me. But I did also feel a shift in his happiness and there was a marked difference in the time we spent together.

We’re now into the third month. He’s back to getting up at a decent time, but he now leaves the house all day and does physical activity. He rides his bike down to the lake, which is over an hour ride, then swims in the lake and rides home. If the weather isn’t conducive, he heads to the gym. Either way, he’s gone all day.

I’m now back to doing all my chores and duties, surrounded by half-finished projects, and alone when I’m home because he’s exhausted himself and has gone to bed. I’m trying not to get upset but I’m losing my runway. Got any suggestions?

Down and Out

Being supportive and understanding doesn’t mean letting your person do whatever they want. He still needs to be part of your marriage, part of your family, part of your household. It’s time for you to speak up.

Go in softly, understanding the multitude of emotions that go along with being let go from a years’ long job. And you’ve sat back and watched him go through it, in his own way, without any judgment from you.

But now it’s time for him to come back to the marriage, come back to being your very close friend and husband. You need to impress upon him that you want to help him find his footing along this new path, whatever that looks like. No pressure to find another job, or to increase his stress level. It’s just time for him to get back into the groove of your life together.

If he can’t understand or needs help, I strongly suggest he see a life coach, a career coach and/or a therapist to help him make sense of how his life has changed and how to make the best of this new situation.

Whenever my girlfriend babysits her sister’s dog, the dog sleeps in bed with us. And not just on our bed, but under the covers. I think it’s weird and gross, but my girlfriend loves her sister’s dog.

How do we deal with this situation, so no one gets hurt or feels resentment?

Duvet Doggie

I’m under the impression that the dog was in your girlfriend’s life before you came along, which means a precedent was set. Her sister feels confident that when she asks her to dog-sit, her dog will be loved.

Your girlfriend will have a hard time understanding why you think it’s disgusting because to her, it’s normal and loving. Talk to her but tone down your words. Simply say that it’s not what you’re used to, and it makes you uncomfortable. That’s kinder and softer.

Unfortunately, I don’t think anything is going to change. You may have to concede defeat.

FEEDBACK Regarding son’s cancelled job opportunity (May 21):

Reader – “I’m a recently retired guidance counsellor of 35 years. I read the letter from mom complaining about son’s cancelled job opportunity and I believe that someone in charge of hiring got the memo too late that a paid position cannot assign volunteer hours for a student. Volunteer means free. Should have been a huge red flag for mom and son.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the chocolate (May 21):

Reader – “It was NOT his to dispose of number one. Second, my thoughts went to his thinking that she didn't need the chocolate. A boyfriend trying to control the weight of a gal.”

Reader #2 – “Sorry but I’d like an explanation first of why he disposed of perfectly good chocolate. That’s sinful!”

Reader #3 – “Ohhh no, no, no! That chocolate chucking boyfriend deserves to be thrown into the chocolate river and eaten by the Oompa Loompas. That’s body-shaming control freak behaviour.”