I have a problem that does not seem to be getting better. My husband is in his late 50s and is a great father and husband. We have 13-year-old twins who keep us busy. We have a great relationship, however there is one problem. He has been gaining weight and now has a beer belly.

He plays ball hockey a couple of times a week and eats healthy. But he also likes to have a couple of beers at night and I don’t drink. I go to the gym (hot, infrared classes which he would not like) four to five times a week and have been physically active all my life. He does most of the cooking (or orders from a food service, such as Hello Fresh, so it’s healthy).

I have talked to him about the weight gain and asked him to go on more walks. I admit I have not come out to say how I feel about the beer belly because I am apprehensive to have this talk. I am having a hard time with the physical part of the beer belly as I am not attracted to that and almost try hard not to be affected by it.

I need some insight on how to address this because all I see now are men walking around looking like they are pregnant.  And I know this is part of the whole package; I am having a hard time with this. PLEASE HELP! It is starting to affect our sex life as I don't want to see him naked.

Third Trimester

Your description made me giggle, but unfortunately, if you want any traction with this issue, you’re going to have to change your imagery. Imagine if he had felt the same way looking at your pregnant belly when you were growing the twins.

There are ways for your husband to manage his weight gain, while still allowing him to enjoy his beverages. His best chance would be to start with three appointments: at 55+, it’s important for him to see his doctor and make sure there is nothing medical going on. He would be well served by seeking the advice of a nutritionist to help him understand what foods work best for him at his age. And lastly, a meeting with a personal trainer to understand where and how he needs to focus his fitness.

What works in our 20s, doesn’t usually still work in our 50s. For example, if playing ball hockey a few times a week in his youth kept him fit, and his followup beers had no effect, he was fortunate, then. His metabolism and overall health have changed, and he needs to change his activities to match.

I understand your apprehension; however, his overall health and your active sex life should be enough for you to overcome your fears and talk to him. You love him, he’s your husband, you want to see him live a long and healthy life and enjoy making love to him for years to come. That should spur him on to hear what you have to say.

Agree to do everything together, from getting a health checkup, to talking to the nutritionist, to finding some physical activity that you can do together. He can still play ball hockey, and you can still do your infrared training, but together, you can do something else. And then together, you can both become as healthy as possible and enjoy each other.

FEEDBACK Regarding the daughter who can’t sing (March 28):

Reader – “I recently watched a documentary about the Spice Girls.  I was surprised to learn that at the start they had terrible harmonies.  Each needed to train their voice with the help of a voice coach.

“How many professional singers started out using voice coaches, then make it big?  With the right coaching, his daughter could become a good singer.  OR, she may be told she just doesn’t have it.  If that’s the case, it’ll be much better coming from a professional than family.

“How would the mother and brothers feel if their daughter/sister becomes the next Taylor Swift with the right coaching?  Sometimes passion can outweigh initial ability.  As she grows and matures, she could evolve into a good song writer.  Absolutely, let her passion develop and see where this may go.”