I am writing to you because I feel I must say/do something to educate both my family, friends and the public in general. I am 86 years old, but I can still think for myself, I read an incredible amount, still play the piano; yes, I have bum knees but the rest of me is still working at this time.

My family, some more than others, would not agree with the above statement. Yesterday, after cooking a family dinner of ham, making Harvard beets and a dessert, I sat through a family gathering where I saw their eyes roll if I tried to make a comment. In other words, they made me feel like I couldn't possibly know anything worth knowing. I am sure that I read more than they do!

I was told, "You didn't work." Didn’t I? Then who the devil raised them? Who made the dance costumes? Helped at swim meets? Made sure they learned to read? Who made the meals, washed the clothes, and painted walls?

Also, it’s not just them. I have a long time younger
friend (60) who thought it was perfectly OK during a lunch
meeting to complain that my hearing was going. I wear hearing aids, but I often have to ask people to repeat. Yes,
I do have a hearing problem that I have done everything to help solve but does that entitle them to eye rolls? This friend also thought it was OK to bring up that I complained about my dead husband. Yes, I did complain about him. He was
very untidy, but overall, we had a good marriage and I miss him terribly.

Another bone of contention seems to be that I didn't go on to higher education, but in my time very few women did. They did though pave the way for the next generation to achieve their careers.  Even my doctor suggested Assisted Living when I had made it clear that I do not want that and I am managing.

This is NOT just about me; this is about how my generation is treated in general. My friends tell very similar stories. True there are some young people who aren’t like that, but I’m made to feel like a complete idiot by the rest of them, including some in my own family.  They don’t seem interested in how my world was when I was young. Surely when I’m gone, they’ll wish they had asked me questions.

Perhaps I am just feeling sorry for myself but my friends
all have similar stories to tell and they’re sick of the way so
many of the older generation are seen. How we managed to get to this age, I simply do not know - so I guess we must have something upstairs - and we count ourselves fortunate to still be here!

Sassy Senior

It sounds as though the advice you’re seeking is how to get it across to the younger generation(s) that just because you’re an octogenarian, doesn’t mean your life doesn’t have value. In fact, quite the opposite. That it is due to your generation that the rest of us can do what we do. Like you said, in your day, not many women went on to higher education. Sure, some did, but in your community, most didn’t. That does not, in any way, make your life of lesser value.

Without you, your children would have been hungry, illiterate and filthy. Truthfully! It’s time you speak your mind, loud and proud. Tell your family that if they join you just to roll their eyes, they shouldn’t bother. You have had a great life, one you’re still living, and you’d like to enjoy it with people who appreciate you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple with a high functioning autistic son-in-law (March 27):

Reader – “I’m sorry for these parents/grandparents watching their loved ones, who are affected by autism.

“I hear from the tone of this letter their deep anger and disappointment at their son-in-law's circumstances. I understand that their daughter and granddaughters are directly impacted by the challenges of their husband/father’s condition, but the sad part is that this older couple doesn't seem to really consider autism as a permanent MENTAL ILLNESS, not a chosen behaviour.

“I wouldn't be surprised if the granddaughter is also under the umbrella of autism, since it has a strong genetic presence.

“Unfortunately, most neurodivergent people are blamed for their hardships and are expected to come with solutions for their own deficiencies, so they can meet the expectations of neurotypical individuals. They cannot win. I think the whole family would benefit from family therapy.”