I live in a townhouse, on the top floor. We have a balcony and a beautiful tree that, when in full bloom, gives us the serenity and feeling that we’re not in the heart of the city. Our neighbour on the second floor is a quiet couple who rarely step out on their balcony.
Our neighbour on the main floor is a man from another country who doesn’t speak English very well. I often see him in the yard, feeding birds and squirrels. The squirrels eat anything and everything and make a mess of the yard, but it’s his yard so not my business. Recently, however, I saw him feeding a raccoon. I ran to get my phone to take a video, but by the time I came back, they were both gone. I tried to explain to him that this is a dangerous practice, but I don’t think he understood me or cared.
I’m pregnant and the last thing I want is a family of raccoons climbing up our tree, defecating all over our balcony and thinking this is home. What can I do?
Not pets
You are correct: this can be a dangerous practice and legally, you're not supposed to feed them. And I can understand why being pregnant makes you even more anxious, as raccoon feces can cause severe neurological damage to fetuses if ingested. Obviously, no one is eating raccoon feces purposefully, but the eggs from roundworm can contaminate soil, water or hands and then be accidentally ingested. It’s not something to ignore.
Explain in simple terms to your neighbour when you next see him that feeding raccoons isn’t a good idea. If the language barrier proves challenging, is there a family member who could help with communication? Google translate could also likely help. Good luck!
I read with interest the woman who was ghosted by her friend (April 11). My BFF told me she was taking a “friend’s break” in January 2024 after 55 years of friendship. It happened at the same time as my son’s mother-in-law’s sudden death. It left me to sort through my emotions on my own.
I saw her a month later. I asked if the break was over. She laughed and changed all our previous plans - no lunch on Monday, she would drive herself on Thursday and didn’t need my assistance to get from her car to the restaurant on Saturday. Gradually she started to miss lunches and breakfasts.
I’ve had a really hard time with this. The only thing I can think of is that I invited her sister to have lunch with us on Thursday. She screamed at me, “she’s my sister and I’ll invite her if I want her there.”
It’s now been over two years. I couldn’t care less about her friendship anymore. My sons and grandchildren were also cut off from her friendship. My psychiatrist told me I was an enabler and she used me for 55 years. When I invited her sister for lunch, she was losing control and ended the friendship.
What do you think?
Friends No More
As sad as your story is, there are so many similar stories. I don’t know you well enough to label you an enabler. But even if you are, why would that give your friend the right to dump you like a can of old paint? After 55 years of friendship, what did she need a break from – your loyalty? Your support? Your many, many shared memories? And what kind of a friend leaves her bestie to suffer a death all alone?
I’m glad for your sake that you have managed to overcome the loss and grief of losing a close decades-long friendship. At this point, she doesn’t sound like a good friend anyway. Find someone who appreciates you and your friendship.
FEEDBACK Regarding the grandparents campaigning for divorce for their daughter (March 27):
Reader – “The parents need to learn more about high functioning autism and how to interact positively with their son-in-law. It seems like blaming everything on him is easier than changing their expectations to match reality.
“They should move closer, be emotionally supportive, learn about autism, set their prejudices aside, get both granddaughters diagnosed, take on/over the house repairs. They don’t recognize how they are adding unnecessarily to the chaos!”
Reader #2 – “The parents seemed to have ignored the husband’s recent diagnosis of autism. There are counselling services available for people on the autism spectrum and for couples where one or both are autistic.
“While the parents didn’t ask about that, but immediately jumped to divorce, maybe you could have suggested counselling if the parents bring it into conversation and the daughter is interested.”
Lisi – Good idea!