My wife and I don’t see eye-to-eye on pet ownership. She wanted a purse puppy, while I wanted a larger dog. She then turned completely around and wanted a Newfoundland. I remarked on their size and drooling habit, and she went back to wanting a designer dog. Somehow, we ended up getting a white Labrador retriever. She was the runt of the litter so she’s only 45 pounds, but she sheds a lot!
Of course, now we love her and we can’t imagine life without her. But there are still many issues that my wife and I don’t agree on. For example, I bought a Roomba vacuum that I’ve programmed to roam around the house, just to help with all the dog hair. My wife doesn’t like it, thinks it’s creepy and says it scares the dog.
I also wipe my dog’s feet whenever she comes in the house. She’s white, and her feet get filthy. Plus, my wife allows her up on all the furniture, so she needs to be clean. But my wife can’t be bothered to wipe her feet, and when she does, it’s so half-assed, it’s useless. I didn’t want the dog on the bed, but my wife won that argument too.
How can we continue when we just don’t think the same? I’m very concerned about having children with this woman.
Parenting Pooch
You have legitimate concerns, but I suggest reining in your spiralling worries. Let’s talk about the dog issues first. I’m so happy for you that you have become pet parents and that you love your girl. There’s nothing like the love of a dog. But you two need to agree on her care for HER sake.
If your wife doesn’t like the Roomba, is she willing to sweep and vacuum EVERY DAY? If yes, then OK. See how that goes for a month. If she’s unwilling or can’t manage, agree that you’ll go back to auto-vacuum.
Your wife doesn’t like to wash your dog’s feet but then allows her on the furniture? If that’s the case, she needs to agree to get the furniture cleaned, which will cost a LOT more than five minutes of her time and some doggie wipes (a wet towel is even cheaper).
Above all else, you two would benefit from some counselling, to figure out how to compromise, how to hear each other out, and how to navigate your roles as future parents. You may realize that you’re incompatible on that front and then you’ll have some important choices to make.
My daughter has leaned into her “Daddy’s Little Girl” title and is playing him to the point that he’s allowing her to run amok. She knows I will say no to certain things, and those are the things she runs to daddy about. It’s all mostly innocent, such as, staying up later than her bedtime, watching something I think is inappropriate for her age, or eating too much junk food. Still, I don’t like the conniving thought process, or that my husband is blind to it!
What do you suggest?
Daddy Dearest
Thankfully, she’s still too young to want to wear clothing that he won’t approve of, or makeup, or go out with boys. Because as soon as that happens, she’ll be running back to you!
In the meantime, it’s imperative you talk with your husband. Explain why you say “no” to those issues, and why it’s important that you two are a united team when it comes to parenting. Do you have to agree on everything? Of course not! But then you need to talk about it openly. She needs to see how you come to a compromise, and why.
FEEDBACK Regarding the “cool” mother (March 7):
Reader – “She offered the girlfriend a huge gift because she knew the young lady was important to her son. Generously, the mother has opened her home and her family to this young lady, trusting her with their possessions, their family culture and family members.
“That the boyfriend folded the towel revealed that his family respects possessions and each other. When the girlfriend threw the towel under the bed, she disrespected the family.
“The girlfriend needs to recognize the gift; she needs to respect the family, the home and the possessions in it and understand how truly generous the mother (and family) are. Also, she should get a laundry hamper for the boyfriend’s room and put soiled intimates in it. They should then do their own laundry. And they need to keep the bedroom clean.
“I also think these kids should get bathrobes and wear them around the house.”