My sister has a bipolar condition where she will have manic episodes but then have no recollection of what she said or did during that episode. It’s very tricky because it’s as though she has dual personalities, like Jekyll and Hyde. For my sister, it’s even trickier because she can be one person and then flip to the other in a heartbeat and there’s no warning - she just flips. And it seems she can only flip from the sweet sister I adore to the angry, mean-spirited person I need to avoid, and not vice-versa.
My parents have it the worst because since they are getting on in years, they sometimes don’t catch on when she’s flipped, and then they continue whatever conversation they were having, which then turns abusive and aggressive.
Fortunately, my sister has only once become physically abusive, but she was throwing things and not touching anyone. My father was able to get her out of the house, and I managed to call her doctor who got an ambulance to pick her up. But that has severe emotional effects on my mom.
How can we all deal with this? It’s getting difficult.
Sick Sister
Your sister needs to be under the care of a medical doctor, and it sounds as though she needs medication (though I’m not diagnosing or prescribing). If she’s capable of staying on the medication, then she should be able to remain stable. However, if she has manic episodes where she can potentially hurt herself or others, then I believe she needs to have 24-hour care, in some way or other.
Awful things can happen when people who are mentally unwell and unstable go unmedicated and unsupervised.
A close friend has chosen to vacation in Florida this winter. I wouldn’t have gone anywhere near the place, even before the president started threatening Canada, but of course it’s my pal’s choice to make. The problem is that he’s pressed me a few times with questions like, “Will this affect your opinion of me?” or “Will you think less of me if I go?”
Of course, I find his decision surprising and disappointing, but it in no way changes how much I cherish the friendship. I can’t pretend I agree with his holiday choices, though, especially given that he’s a progressive, pro-Canadian guy. Should I keep deflecting or be gently truthful next time it comes up?
Maple All the way
Obviously your friend knows that this wouldn’t be your choice AND that you have opinions on the matter – or he wouldn’t be asking you those questions! And he obviously cares about what you think, though not enough to change his plans.
Next time your friend asks, be honest and kind. Tell him that you personally wouldn’t vacation in the U.S. now, but that has absolutely no bearing on your friendship. And most importantly, he needn’t worry and should simply enjoy his vacation.
Look, if he chooses to eat steak and you’re a vegetarian, you may disagree with his choice but again, it shouldn’t (and I hope it doesn’t) affect your friendship.
For whatever reason, he needs your stamp of approval, or simply, a free pass. So, give it to him.
FEEDBACK Regarding decisions (Jan.3):
Reader – “This man should cut and run. The big red flag is her contacting her old lover to make her new boyfriend jealous. People who play that kind of game and who think that jealousy is evidence of love are very immature. He doesn’t want the drama that comes with infidelity, but it sounds as if she does.
“Divorced because she had an affair, she’s now faking an affair for a rise. That suggests she needs or enjoys conflict which suggests a possible underlying mental disorder. Her children’s behavioural issues support this conclusion: they’ve inherited her condition or have been damaged by the dysfunction it has brought to their upbringing.”
FEEDBACK Regarding scammers (Jan. 5):
Reader - Two absolute truths: Anyone you meet online who asks you for money is a scammer. And anyone telling you they can recover your funds from a scammer, for a fee, is also a scammer, who’s hoping you haven't learned your lesson.”