I have a friend I grew up with, and we were very close as kids. She was wilder than I during our teen years and we had different friends. But we always tried to stay connected and we’d make time for each other.

We attended different universities and had very different life experiences but always stayed in contact and would make a real effort to see each other when we were both home. We’re now in our late 20s and I just can’t relate to her. We’ve chosen very different careers and life paths, but that shouldn’t affect the friendship as much as it has.

She’s just changed. I’m more mainstream; she’s more out there. But we should still be able to maintain a friendship. It’s just that now I can’t even follow her conversations!

I’m loving what I do, just rented my first apartment, and am enjoying this time in my life. I have a boyfriend who may be the one (but he may not - we’re not there yet) and we’re loving having sleepovers, hanging out on the weekends with friends and just being happy.

She’s back living at home, begrudgingly, constantly fighting with her parents, bringing a new partner home whenever, flipping between men and women, and constantly jumping full speed into new ideas which never go anywhere.

I just don’t have anything to say to her anymore. But I feel terrible about it! What do I do?

Friends No More

There is a belief that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. And that when you figure out which one it is, you’ll know what to do for each person.

It sounds as though this friendship, though present for many years, was seasonal. You spent years together growing, learning and sharing. And it sounds like she may have taught you things you would have never known otherwise (her wild side). I imagine she also brought you joy and laughter.

But the friendship has run its course, the season has changed. Love her for who she is and where she’s at, but don’t feel obligated to spend time together.

My children have terrible time management skills, and I know it is learned behaviour from their mother. When they were babies and she was on maternity leave, she never managed to get out of the house on time to get anywhere. She would register for Mommy and Me classes, some that cost money, and I don’t think she ever made it to one from the start.

I do know how tricky it can be to get a baby/infant/toddler out of the house; I would always take them to a Daddy swim class, or a Daddy and Stroller park walk, but I knew to start the process early enough that if anything went awry, we would still be as close to on time as possible.

As the kids got older, my wife couldn’t seem to get them to school on time enough that the school called. I took on the responsibility. They’re now teenagers and the habits have formed.

How can I help them change?

Tick Tock

Since your children are still teenagers living at home, I believe you still have a strong role to play in helping them learn these life skills. However, you’ll have to accept their behaviour if they choose not to take on your guidance. They’re old enough to accept the consequences.

Explain to them that it’s a skill which takes practice. Be realistic in your approach; they’re not going to change overnight. Give them the tools, such as, multiple alarms, planning ahead, always building a buffer zone; show them how to use them; help in the beginning. Then let them falter. If they really want to change, they will.

FEEDBACK Regarding “Super Mom” (Aug. 8):

Reader – “Dads don’t ‘watch the kids’ - they parent. If the mom isn’t present, he’s parenting on his own.  Watching the kids implies it’s a temporary responsibility rather than the actual responsibility of a parent. This language allows the stereotype of the mother as the parent who should be taking care of children to continue rather than encouraging fathers to recognize that actively caring for their children is their responsibility, too.

“Language matters.”

Lisi – Yes, language matters. But no one says, can you “parent” while I’m out. I don’t think “watching” the kids implies anything other than that person is on duty.

Reader #2 – “This mother complaining that she’s still the maid while on holiday reminds me of the holidays we used to take when I was a child in England: holidays that were ‘self-catering’ or in a ‘caravan’, both of which were just a busman’s holiday for mum!”