I’m having a hard time expanding myself in retirement.
Maybe in a small-town setting there are groups of people who like to socialize, get together and play cards - but talk rather than play cards. It’s very different in the city. I’m not religious so clubs in church basements aren’t for me. I also found it very difficult to find English speaking groups.

Retirement “clubs” seem to come with their own members and to crack the membership is very tough. I love to play euchre, am on my own and decided to check out a couple of ads in the paper for that type of card playing. Went to one which turned out to be mainly women, smokers, speaking their own language and not actually playing.

My second attempt lasted 15 minutes with a group of about 12 men and women, most of whom seemed interested in doing drugs and trying to sell me product rather than playing cards. I felt unsafe and lucky to have left when I did.

It's not easy to get out and associate with others in the city where I am a minority and consider myself a target. I’m single, older than most, and uninterested in sex, drugs and money.

So how do I “get out there” and meet people?

Lonely and Targeted

Answering anonymous ads in the paper is not a safe practice. That goes for responding to online ads as well. There are several games stores around the city, and you could inquire there about specific card game groups. As well, though you mentioned you aren’t religious, the groups who meet in church basements are usually just looking for a venue and not necessarily affiliated with that place of worship.

I know you said you’re on your own, though I’m not sure if that implies you don’t have a single family member or friend. If you have even one of the aforementioned, you could tell them what you’re looking for and hope they may know of people with similar interests.

You also said you’re older, which would lead me to add that you could find a senior’s activity centre, or a YMCA near you where you could inquire about card groups.

Don’t give up!

When I was a child, my parents had friends who we used to see often. The husband was cold, rude and abrupt towards me, while his wife was warm, kind and showed a great deal of interest in my life. Years later, my father died while I was in my 20s. This couple came to the funeral, and, while she was warm and loving, he was cold and almost dismissive of my mother.

It’s almost three decades later and I bumped into them at a movie recently. She was frail, but still warm and loving. He was even frailer and pretended not to remember me. Why would he STILL be so cold and unkind in his senior years?

Still Smarts

Why do you let this man’s behaviour affect you after all these years? He hasn’t changed, as per your account, he’s true to who he has always been – cold, rude, and dismissive. What would make you think he would change?

I don’t know why your parents were friends with him, but he clearly never had time for you. Who cares? You’ve lived all these years without his approval…. And I assume you haven’t been worse for wear. He is who he is. Forget him. And if you ever see him again, rise above his meanness and shower him with kindness. You are who you are.

FEEDBACK Regarding the triple decker sandwich (April 14):

Reader #1 – “Her friend may be suffering from losing her son. People grieving can appear to cope for months after the death of a loved one and then become depressed a year later. She could help her friend explore grief counselling. Many funeral homes offer this service.”

Reader #2 – “Taking this woman to the doctor for an accurate diagnosis is definitely the first step.  She may be suffering from grief over the loss of her son which could mimic dementia. If the grief is causing her to isolate, not eat and, especially, not stay hydrated, that could also exacerbate her symptoms.

“If she does have dementia, the friend should arrange an appointment with a lawyer to protect her money.  As well, she should find out if there’s an adult daycare programme she could attend.  This would not only keep her active and involved but would alleviate much of the pressure on her friend.”