My husband and I recently split up. He comes from a small town where he and his whole family own several large businesses. They are well-known among the community, and for the most part, well-liked. My husband has two sisters and two brothers, so I had a lot of sisters-in-law.

When things started to go downhill for us, one of his sisters and one of the sisters-in-law were both understanding and kind to me, while the other two were uninterested in knowing anything and expressed sole loyalty to the family. As things got worse, the brother’s wife started to pull away from me. Her husband is the least likeable of the bunch and became my husband’s strong man. His behaviour towards me was ugly and I understood why his wife was backing away from me.

Only the one sister has maintained contact with me since the divorce. I appreciate all her efforts especially because there are a lot of children involved – mine and all their cousins – and I don’t want anything to get in the way of those relationships.

The problem is this town where they grew up and we all live. It’s as though everyone has taken his side. It’s affecting my work and my general happiness. People are rude at the grocery store, or the hardware store; I’ll get put on hold longer than necessary, and my appointments get bumped all the time.

It’s so small town, and I feel they are trying to push me out. But my children are here! I’m not going anywhere for now. How do I deal with this?

Divorced and Cancelled

That is disgusting behaviour from a group of people. No one knows the reasons behind the demise of your marriage, and even if they do, it’s none of their business.

I’m a confrontational person, so I would say something the next time someone is rude. But if you are less inclined to do so, then kill them with kindness. The next time someone bumps your appointment, thank them profusely for pointing you in the right direction, that is, to another salon/spa. They can’t be the only hairdresser/manicurist/massage therapist in town. And I can only assume that you have your own friends, perhaps through your children, so lean on them. You can even get them to make appointments for you, if that’s what it takes. But surely you wouldn’t want to give those people who are being rude your business. Find new, more modern, younger establishments who care more about building a business than silly small-town politics.

Walk tall and find your people. Enjoy your children when you’re with them. Ignore the ugliness.

I was volun-told to take on the job as vice-president of the Parent Committee at my daughter’s preschool. I lead a busy life with a preschooler, a toddler and another on the way. I don’t have time to discuss who should bring snack for the kids, or what special activities they should do this session. I’m shocked because I thought that’s what I was paying for by sending my child to this school.

And speaking of payment, they want me to do this job for free. No thanks!

Fed Up

I’m not sure what your question is, but it’s clear to me that you should resign from your role as VP and let someone else get in there who wants to help the school grow and change. You have a lot on your plate with your growing family and volunteering isn’t where your interests lie.

Stop complaining and politely vacate your post.

FEEDBACK Regarding the overweight couple (Nov. 27):

Reader – “I’m puzzled.  Did this overweight couple have bariatric surgery, or have they spent a year waiting for it?  Some people do gain back the weight after the surgery, but it would be odd if they both have — and it would suggest they are bad influences on one another.  It’s very hard to fight an addiction, be it drugs, gambling or food, if you’re living with someone who has the same weakness. It’s why self-help groups like A.A. discourage intra-group dating and why parolees are ordered to stay away from other parolees.”

Reader #2 – “You might mention Overeaters Anonymous to both the son and mom.  My wife goes and over the last few years has lost 80 pounds and has kept it off.  We cook healthy meals as you have suggested, we go to regular exercise class and eliminate sweet desserts.  It was the help we both needed.”