How do I know if someone is just being nice to me because they’re a nice person, or because they know who I am and want to get close, or they genuinely want to be my friend? I recently watched the movie, “Saltburn,” and I feel like everyone could be an Oliver, that is, pretending to be my friend but with a deep ulterior motive. I’m never sure whether I should be nice back. The last thing I want is for people to laugh at me behind my back.
Am I a Felix?
“Saltburn” was a dark thriller comedy about a young man who becomes obsessed, first with another young man, then his entire family, and eventually, the family’s estate. He plays everyone he comes in contact with, slowly but surely aiding in their demise. It’s definitely over the top and not reflective of most everyday relationships.
I don’t know who you are; I’m responding to your letter the way I would anyone else’s. But I’m also not a social climber, celeb-obsessed or a Gen Z, the latter of which I gather you are. Try to meet people in your daily life, not through social media. Better to meet friends through people you already know and trust.
And remember to listen to your gut instinct, your inner voice. If it doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.
My boyfriend and I recently broke up. He said he wanted to have more free time to do the things he enjoyed doing. He said he felt we spent too much time doing things I enjoyed. I’m honestly shocked because I was starting to feel the same way, just the opposite.
We’re both really into CrossFit, so we usually did a class together several times a week. He plays hockey and I dance, which we both had twice weekly commitments for. Once a week, they were on the same day, but the other days were different. I usually take that night to myself or went to a chick flick with my girlfriends. He usually hung out with his friends when I was dancing.
The rest of our time together, when not out with his friends, was out doing things he loves like going to sporting events, or to the bar. How can he say what I was feeling?
Duped and Dumped
I have a strong suspicion that he knew how you were feeling and didn’t want YOU to dump HIM. So, he jumped the gun, pulled the trigger but without any ammunition of his own, he simply stole your excuses.
What matters now is how you feel about the relationship. Were you really ready for it to be over? If so, then it doesn’t matter who broke up with whom – it’s over. He did you a favour.
However, if you weren’t really all that unhappy, just a bit restless, but you made it known loud enough that your boyfriend felt it, this is your opportunity to have some open communication with him. Talk about your relationship, how it was going, and where it was headed. Maybe this was a wake-up call for both of you that you need to keep the excitement and romance alive and not fall into patterns of continued sameness.
Stop focusing on who did what to whom and figure out what you want.
FEEDBACK Regarding the sudden hearing loss (Nov. 20; Sept. 25):
Reader – “I too experienced Sudden Sensorial Hearing Loss about a year ago. Just woke up and was stone deaf in one ear. Immediate online research suggested SSHL, and that treatment must start right away. My doctor was accommodating, as was a specialist and treatment was started within a week. First was five days on a very strong dose of Prednisone, which was ineffective, followed by four shots of a steroid through my eardrum over a two-week period (not painful). This was effective and my hearing returned to its previous level.
“So run, don’t walk, to get medical attention if it happens to you.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the nasty neighbour (Nov. 22):
Reader - “It’s called social media and a public forum for a reason - for the public to engage. People need to realize that public provides all perspectives, many you can agree with and many you don’t agree with.”