I’ve been dating my boyfriend for four years. We’re both in our mid-20s, graduated from university and working in our field of choice. I know in my heart that he is the guy for me. We get along so well, rarely argue, want the same things out of life, enjoy the same pastimes, like each other’s friends and family and just really love being together.

I am pretty sure that he feels the same way.

The problem is that my best friend and my sister can’t stand him! My parents don’t mind him, but I don’t think they’re thinking that he’s going to be my husband. I’m not sure they like him that much either.

I’ve always trusted my sister’s opinion and advice; we’re very close and I know she always has my best interest at heart. Same goes for my best friend. But I love him!

What do I do?

Crossroads

Have you and your boyfriend discussed the future, or are you just daydreaming about the possibility? What is it about your boyfriend that your sister and your bestie detest so strongly? Do you see what they see but won’t admit it? Do you think they’re being too harsh?

If there’s no future discussion, then enjoy your time with him now but open your eyes to what the others are saying. Love is blind, which is sweet but can be detrimental in the long run. If he’s pressuring you to take your relationship to the next step, perhaps you need to buy some time to reconcile what your closest advocates are feeling with what you know about this person and your feelings.

You’re the one who needs to make the decision that feels right for you.

My twins are in first-year university, living away from home. I miss them terribly! Going from having two kids at home to none in one week was heartbreaking for me. My wife is managing better. We decided to surprise them and the day after Christmas, we took them on a cruise out of Florida.

One night, we all got tipsy together on the ship. It was fun and silly, and my wife was laughing so hard. It warmed my heart to have this special time with my kids. Another night, one of them told me that they had a joint and asked if I wanted to smoke together. We did and had a lot of laughs that night too.

That seemed to set a precedent and the kids and I got completely hammered another night on the cruise; and one twin and I smoked another night together.

Now they’re back at school and I’m regretting my actions. I feel as though I decimated any and all parental boundaries, and that they have now lost respect for me. I also feel as though my authority as their parent has been compromised.

What did I do?

Drunk dad

I’m not here to judge you, nor to tell you that everything is fine. Different people parent differently. It’s how YOU feel that matters.

If you feel that you let down your guard too much, you can build it back up again. You can talk to your kids privately, one on one, or as a family next time you’re all together. Tell them how much fun you had, how much you’ve missed them, and how you’re feeling about your behaviour. Now go back to being the dad you were.

Next time you’re together, you choose. Was the aftermath of your chummy partying such that you feel you’ve lost your children’s respect? Or was it fun for all in the moment, but back in the real world everyone’s gone back to their parent-child positions?

Your relationship with your children will be constantly in flux as they grow, mature, change. Take it in stride.

FEEDBACK Regarding the sad sister (Nov. 13):

Reader – “I felt for Sad Sis because I have a great relationship with mine, even though we are on different continents. Face Time has helped us through so very much.

“I once told my sister that I envied her: two beautiful children, holidays in Europe, lovely house, nice clothes, a couple of cars, their own business etc., which is what I saw. She later divorced her husband and that is when I learned it was all a façade; he was controlling and manipulative.

“Her answer to me was, ‘I envied you because no matter where or when, your husband always held your hand.’ Sad Sis should lower her expectations and keep in touch with her sister because one day she too may learn that the grass is not always greener….”