I’m looking for your advice. My self-discipline goes up and down like a toilet seat. I can’t seem to maintain equilibrium. Sometimes, I am so good with my eating. I will follow a gluten-free, dairy-free, sugar-free regimen (because eliminating those things makes me feel better) – and then I lose control and it’s coffee, chips, and ice cream 24/7.

Sometimes, I’m so regimented with my exercise. During the pandemic, I found a few exercise gurus online and joined their online classes for yoga, Pilates, HIIT training, boxing, CrossFit, etc. I would create a routine for myself and follow it religiously – until I miss a day or two for whatever reason, and then I berate myself and give it up completely.

And sometimes, it’s my work that falls to the wayside. I work from home, so I create my own schedule; but I also have group meetings throughout the week that I can attend. When I’m on top of my game, I join in on as many as possible. Our community is fantastic and really motivating and inspiring.

And then it all falls to pieces and I feel terrible about myself and waste hours catching up.

How can I maintain that precious balance between feeling productive and feeling like a waste?

In a low

Some readers may think it odd that you’ve asked a relationship columnist for advice, but I don’t. Our relationship with ourself is the most important one, and yet, it’s usually the last to be nurtured.

It sounds like you thrive on routine and scheduling and that is by no means irregular. Many people work better that way. In fact, our lives are mainly scheduled in every area. Most schools start at a certain time, with scheduled periods and activities, lunch, and dismissal. Everything from airplane flights to movie theatres have schedules for us to live by. Without, the world would be chaotic.

In your case, I think you get so immersed that when you fall off the conveyor belt, you berate yourself instead of hopping right back on. I have learned that consistency is the key to success – in most areas of life. If eight out of 10 days you follow your nutrition regimen, your exercise regimen, your work regimen, it’s OK if you miss a day or two.

Give yourself a break, appreciate the reason why you needed or took the “day off,” and get right back to it. You’re doing great!

We met at our summer jobs. I’m taller than her. We both have our license and we’re both the same age. We never discussed school because we were just enjoying the summer too much, hanging out with friends, going to concerts, and working.

It came up recently in conversation that she was getting ready to move in to her university residence. I was shocked because I’m a grade behind her, in my last year of high school.

Is this relationship doomed? Help!

Dorm Doomed

No, your relationship isn’t doomed! It’s just going to take more work than you thought, maybe more travel depending on where she’s studying, and more nights apart. Can it last? Sure, if you both want it to, and both are willing to work at it.

First-year uni, dorm living, lots of new people and experiences… it may be more difficult for her to stay the course of your long-distance romance. But you both need to focus on your studies – her because for some, first year can be so much harder than high school; and you, so you can get in to the university of your choice.

Maybe the part-time distraction will be good for both of you, and you can help each other through this school year.

I have a problem and my mom told me to write you. I really want to play soccer this year but I don’t want to play with all my school friends. It’s not that I don’t like them – I do! I just don’t want to spend all day, every day with them and then also after school. But they’re all asking me to play!

What do I do?

Friend dilemma

Thank your mom, please, for her support. I really appreciate it.

Is there more than one program in your community that offers soccer? If so, you could “accidentally” sign up for the one where your friends are not playing. If they get upset, you can blame it on your mom.

I believe that kids, especially when they’re teenagers, need to know that they have permission to use their parents as an excuse for things they don’t want to do. Call it a safety net.