I'm single, early 40's, back living with my parents due to some financial reverses, but pretty happy with my life. I'd like to find a soul mate, but until I do I'm not going to settle for just anyone, or lower my standards.
My problem is that a few girlfriends my age are getting desperate and dating married men just to be in a relationship and talk about it. They call these men their "boyfriends" and believe that they'll one day end up together with them. They don't think about the wives and care less about what might happen to those women and their children through their need to grab onto a man.
I'm finding it hard to listen to them talk about their "dates" with their guys, their plans to travel etc., but I don't want to sound judgmental. Also, I've known these women a long time; we've been single together through a lot of stuff. What should I do?
Find new friends. These women are going to be feeling a lot more desperate when, eventually, their guys drop them - which is the most common result of dating a married man.
They're also wasting their precious time (they're in these guys' illicit "affairs," not in relationships) when they could be meeting available men, and/or pursuing experiences/adventures that would make them more interesting than just being second-rate wannabes.
The more you listen to their self-centered stories, the more you waste your time as well. It's far easier to keep your standards high and enjoy your own choices in life, when you're not hearing how others ride herd over other peoples' potential for happiness. Of course, the men are equally to blame for these affairs. Meanwhile, as your girlfriends, these women are users. Lose them.
I'm male, 55, and happily married for 30 years. A close colleague, 59, is being scammed by a dating scheme but doesn't believe my warnings because he thinks I don't understand the "modern" Internet dating scene.
He's been emailing intensely and intimately with a "beautiful woman" from a foreign country who'll soon be coming to see him here - if he just sends her $3,000 for the airfare and expenses. I believe it's a suspicious deal because he's already sent $500 at her request - for an emergency dental procedure that delayed her last plan to visit.
How do I convince him to stop sending the money?
You need only Google "Internet dating scams" to find plenty of web sites, articles and testimonials which expose schemes similar to this one, with the alleged person who's romantically interested based in one of many locales (some common ones are Russia, Nigeria, Ghana, and more).
In fact, the beautiful photos are often stolen off Facebook profiles, and the "person" whom people think they're communicating and fallen in love with, doesn't even exist!
The web site www.about.com describes the most typical sign of dating scams - being asked to send money or cash a cheque.
One Internet description of Nigerian-based scams, alone, lists the following scenario: The person with whom you're communicating "will be almost on their way to meet you, but something will happen to them: they will get robbed, beaten, get into the hospital, or other misfortune will happen and of course you will be their only contact to ask for financial help."
Provide your colleague with directions to find samples of this information, so he can learn for himself how familiar it is!
I'm 40, and have tried in vitro fertilization with donor sperm from a neighbour who wanted to help me conceive but didn't want to raise the child. I lost two pregnancies. Now an acquaintance, 62, wants a "second chance" at being a father, since he messed up the first time and never sees his grown son. Should I let him donate his sperm, knowing I'd have to share parenting with a man so much older whom I don't really know well?
Don't let your desire to have a child cloud your judgment! Once you're a mother - which may still, hopefully, happen for you - you'll need to be comfortable with many of your decisions. Having someone you barely know have equal rights to child-rearing, could create huge conflicts arising from, say, differences in background, lifestyle, finances, health factors, attitudes to children's' needs, etc.
Consult your doctor about your best options.
Tip of the day:
When friends' changed values makes you lose respect, you can lose the friendship too.