Dear Readers: My mail has been filled lately with interesting feedbacks on previous columns, and detailed stories to make the point. Here are two:

I feel that delivering news that could break up a marriage and family is NOT a friend's job (June 26 column). However, special circumstances made ME respond differently.

My friend's husband had become overly familiar with a young relative of mine, whom the couple employed. She tried to laugh off his advances but he persisted. He spoke about his miserable sex-life at home and invited her to "hang out" with him while his wife was away. She refused.

He broke into her computer using an inappropriate code name. She blocked him and felt uncomfortable returning to their employ. By investigating the name, I discovered that he'd been frequenting online escort services for several years. What to do?

They had children, my friend had been unhappy in her marriage for some time. I believe I had every right to speak up, because her husband was predatory, to hopefully prevent him from preying on another young adult. I even spoke to counsellors before deciding.

My friend wanted to know "everything" when I told her about the online incident. She revealed that her husband had behaved suspiciously and inappropriately in the past, often with young employees, and she'd even found him in compromising circumstances.

She confronted him; her marriage inevitably broke down. I found it difficult to remain supportive, because she'd remained silent through years of suspicions. She put others (including my family) at risk. To end that threat, I broke up a marriage and an entire family. And, I lost a dear friend. For that, I'm truly sorry.

I'm NOT sorry that a predator was exposed and that his wife is finally on a path of self-healing. He crossed the line in abusing his position of authority and friendship by preying on a vulnerable individual.

What do you think, Ellie?

The Shot Messenger

Your "telling" was right and unavoidable: you had a protective duty to your young relative. But, with the evidence of sexual harassment at her work, plus the wife's stories, you both should've reported this predatory creep to the police.

Regarding the woman whose husband's executive assistant was putting the couple's property and accounts in her own name along with his (July 6):

She needs a top lawyer immediately, someone her husband doesn't know!!! Since her husband is a successful businessman, he may've already talked to family/divorce lawyers in their own community, by speaking to them first which would prevent their taking her case.

She should do this before she speaks further with her husband.

This situation sounds almost identical to one encountered by someone we know. The husband was brilliant in the financial field, and always seemed caring, dependable, kind. His secretary was a "sweetheart." Yet the fellow had done exactly as you suspected, "feathered his nest" with the secretary, in advance.

When confronted and asked for an immediate legal separation he cried, but he'd already compromised her ability to hire the top local lawyers. However, the wife travelled to an excellent lawyer in another city before discussing anything with the now-ex. He'd actually thought that she'd trust his assistant and him to be fair!

The ex had to part with half of his substantial holdings. Otherwise, he'd thought she'd continue to be dependent on him and his sweetheart! She'd have had next to nothing after years of helping him build his business.

My friend doesn't acknowledge my children's presence, or my life as a mother, because she can't get pregnant. We've been longtime close work-mates. But it seems she can't handle my having kids when she can't.

I empathize and constantly listen to her stories of trying to find a lasting partner, of trying to conceive with whomever she's involved. But I feel offended when she visits and can't even look at my children. What can I say that doesn't sound like I don't understand her pain?

Sensitive Topic

Just understand her pain. Try to keep your friendship on a work-friend basis: have lunch together at work and otherwise outside your home, doing things together that interest you both, e.g. shopping, movies etc.

Share the mothering side of your life with like-minded people instead. Your children won't feel any loss if you don't bring this woman home, and neither should you.