My sister overheard my boyfriend, the father of my baby, whispering to the baby while changing his diaper. At first, she thought it was so sweet because she couldn’t hear what he was saying. But then she heard him say, “I wish I had never got your mother pregnant.”

What sick human talks to a baby like that?!? Especially their own baby! And what am I supposed to do with that information?!?

I’m in a full panic and have no idea how to behave. I am hyper focused on the baby. I can barely look my boyfriend in the eye, and he doesn’t seem to notice my cold distance.

Help!

Protective Mama

Let’s assume that what your sister heard was accurate. Are you sure that this guy, baby daddy aside, is the person you want to spend your life with? Were you two planning on having more children? Getting married? I think it’s time to re-evaluate.

But what if your sister is mistaken? You wouldn’t want to break up with your boyfriend on a rumour. Your only option is to talk to your boyfriend. It’s time for a mature conversation. You need to be strong and insist on full honesty.

He may have felt that way for a minute, or he may consistently feel that way. I agree that whispering those words to his baby is unhealthy and abnormal behaviour. I would surround yourself and your baby with people whom you know love you.

I have a friend I want to distance myself from but don't want to hurt her. We became friends five years ago after the birth of our first children. Shortly after my son was born, she messaged me on Facebook, and we started messaging almost daily.

We've had similar struggles with postpartum anxiety and bonded over parenting challenges, especially during COVID. We also both had our second children last year, so we've gone through a lot of similar challenges simultaneously.

My anxiety has diminished over time, and I found with my second child I had more perspective and not nearly as difficult a time as I did with my first. My friend had a tough time when her second was born. I provided a lot of emotional support for her in the first few months, but I've started to get really frustrated with her.

She always focuses on the negative. A lot of the struggles she fixates on are normal parts of parenting young children. We've both been through therapy, but I don't think it’s helped her. I try to remind myself that it's not her fault and I try to be supportive, but her messages can be really triggering for me. She has a lot of support that I don't have, like grandparents nearby, and that’s even more frustrating.

When I feel frustrated, I distance myself and don't respond to her messages immediately. When I feel better mentally, I respond, but she always responds quickly and inevitably the cycle continues.

What do I do? I get the sense that I've become a close friend for her, and I think I give her support and validation that she doesn't get elsewhere. I don't want to hurt her, but I want to protect my own mental health.

Parenting pals

I’m a strong believer in honesty. Ghosting her is cruel, especially if you know she depends on you. Go for a walk and explain how you’re feeling. You must protect your mental health. Explain that everyone goes through phases and stages. Your friendship was necessary for both of you when you found each other. But your season is changing.

There’s no rule that states you must reply to every message every person sends you within minutes. Hopefully, she’ll get the hint.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grandparents who leave their home for a few months in the winter (Dec. 26):

Reader #1 – “NO, you’re wonderful grandparents and NEVER feel guilty! We are grandparents who go south each winter for six months, and our children are happy that we’ve lived long enough to enjoy ourselves after the stress and deprivation of various kinds from parenting.

“With today's technology this nonsense must stop.

“Everybody, grow up and get a life outside of your family sphere! It’s shocking how many people can't cut the apron strings!”

Reader #2 – “Well, you blew it. You had a logical, sensible reason for them to leave their grandchildren and take off for two months down south without guilt.

“Grandparents who DON’T fly south for the winter would never be jealous of those who do. They don’t want to be away from their grandchildren.  They enjoy and love the children too much to be away from them.”