Our 20-something son recently broke up a three-year relationship; it ended with back and forth accusations of infidelity and incompatibility.     
      We liked his girlfriend very much and employed her as a dog-walker five days a week. Our son now wants us to fire her and says he’ll have nothing to do with us if we don’t. His ultimatum: Choose between the dog walker and me.     
      We still like her and she does a good job taking care of our dogs. We want to keep her and believe that our son is just trying to get back at her through us. What should we do?
      - Complicated Choice

Back out of this situation – make an effort to help find another dog-walking gig for this girl (you likely know other owners in the area) and tell the woman that the situation is currently too awkward for you to be so involved with her.    
      Yes, your son’s ultimatum is harsh and sounds childishly punitive, BUT you’re not the ones with riled-up emotions from an intimate relationship gone sour; he is.          
      The mutually nasty accusations have poisoned the atmosphere on both their sides, so he rightly doesn’t want to bump into her, hear about her, or contribute to her well being.     
      The choice for you shouldn’t have been that difficult ... your loyalty should easily go to your son, even if he overreacts sometimes. Since it didn’t work that way, you might also want to communicate more compassionately with him during a period when he’s hurting and build a better relationship between you.

My (now recent) ex-boyfriend, 32, has a history of alcohol abuse. He's already gone through a messy divorce, including assault charges, legal fees, losing everything as a result of doing something stupid while drunk. His ex-wife is still making his life miserable.     
      We started to date though I’ve never abused drugs or alcohol; I enjoy active or mental pursuits. Turns out, I’mjust another woman who "thought she could change him, by showing him the way.”    
      I gave up my apartment, because it was too small for us both. Shortly after moving in with me, he came home drunk. I will not live with a drunk.       
      We argued. I realized I'd had enough. He threatened to walk out and leave me to take care of the rent alone. I found potential roommates. But then he begged to stay, uttering dramatic promises never to drink again.    
      I've heard it all before and I need to look after my peace of mind. The relationship is over and I’m moving on. BUT, at the same time, his ex-wife made false allegations that he called her (in their case, it’s criminal contact).    
      It seems pretty cruel to kick him out. Do I need to be more tolerant and forgive him? Or do I need to stand up for myself?
      - Rock and Hard Place

You’re still “trying to change him” by falling for the sympathy card. His troubles with his ex stem from his being drunk, not just from her being mean. His troubles with you stem from his being drunk. How many more incidents will it take before you get the picture of how your future will look?    
      Bring on the roommates. Say Bye-Bye to the guy who hasn’t changed his habits, despite worse situations than you’re now presenting him.    
      Do NOT accept his promises or declarations of sobriety, unless you have evidence that he entered a proven program such as Alcoholics’ Anonymous and has seen the light … for at least six months.

When my daughter first dated someone of another race, I remarked that it wasn’t an easy choice for the long-term. But later, I said if she loves him, I’d love him too. However, she’d already reported my caution and they’ve never forgiven me.     
      He leaves when I visit. I adore my two grandchildren and want a happy relationship, but I’m kept at arm’s length. What can I do?
      - No Racist

Apologize one more time to your daughter and her husband (send him a personal note, not an email), even though your comment wasn’t meant to be racist, the couple were both sensitive and wanted unconditional acceptance.    
      Now, you all need healing. See a therapist and ask your daughter to come with you to find a process of trust and acceptance on both your sides, for the sake of your grandchildren. Hopefully, she’ll pass on this need for repair to her husband.