My ex-husband and I have had an exceptionally cordial relationship since our divorce 30 years ago. Both of us remarried (me happily, he less so), we occasionally socialize together with friends as well as at family events for the benefit of our son.
I’ve just discovered that my ex cheated on his current wife with my brother’s wife. My brother’s devastated, he’s known my ex since he was a teenager and has been a great friend to him. He considers my ex family and feels betrayed by both parties.
I'm angry, not only because my brother’s been hurt, but also because my ex lied when I confronted him, which adds to the disrespect I feel. I don't know how to handle the upcoming holidays, our grandchild's first Christmas. Can I tell my son that I won't attend any event if his father is invited too?
- Angry at ex

Your ex is the careless jerk who’s risked destroying a family relationship on many levels … but you don’t have to let his stupidity determine your own actions.
Talk to your son. Understandably, it may be too soon for extended family to all be together for this holiday and Randy Gramps is the one who should be asked to visit at a different time.
But after the steam settles on all this, your son and his wife have a right to decide how they want to handle things in future. And you need to decide, for yourself. Example: the socializing with your ex is clearly over. And your brother’s unlikely to want to be around his old “friend” ever again.
But for the few occasions like the child’s birthday, and Christmas, you can be the bigger person by rising above your ex’s limitations, for the grandchild’s sake.

I just turned 20, currently dating a guy who’s almost 18, for seven months. I don't know if we're "meant to be" but we definitely want to be. But I continually bump heads with his family.
They live much different lifestyles then I do - they like to drink a lot, do drugs, disrespect everyone, etc. Even the father, in his 40's, goes along with calling me names. It recently got worse and led me to tell the father how I feel about him and the family.
My boyfriend lives with me and goes to school with me. We have a lot of plans as a happy couple, but he says his family is important to him, and it’s causing him to leave me. I don't know what to do.
- In a Mess

His family will always be an issue, whether he lives with you or not … and he’s wise to recognize this now. It’s a mistake for you to see this as a competition between you and them. By staying with you, he may never resolve how HE feels about them, and, instead, grow to resent your criticism of them.
Show understanding for his need to live at home and encourage him to try to be his own person within this circle. Ask that he stand up for you when there’s badmouthing, and keeps dating you, in the hopes that one day you two can be that happy couple and not be sabotaged by his father or others.
Meanwhile, your guy needs to gain the maturity for being independent in future, without leaning on you as a crutch to get there. Otherwise, these family problems will always eat away at your relationship.

I’ve been with this guy for almost four years. He's five years younger than me. I'm ready to settle down. He says he's not sure if I'm “the one.”
How long am I supposed to wait till he decides? I feel that I deserve to know if I'm not the one so I can move on.  Any suggestions as to what I should do?
- Impatient in Edmonton

He’ll decide when he knows … and, he’s clearly not impatient, not in a rush.
By now, you should have some clue as to whether - depending on his age – he simply has no sense of deadline about moving to a next level of the relationship, as you clearly have; OR, whether he’s just too comfy as is.
One way to jar his complacency is to break up. It’s harsh, but at least it stops the questioning, potential insecurity, and build-up of resentment for waiting around.