My daughter has a friend whom she adores. I don’t connect much with this child, but I’ve learned from my older children that it’s not about me, and to keep my sentiments to myself. Through all my children, over the years, I have happily made several new friends, the parents of their respective friends. But this child’s parents are just very, very different than me and my husband. They are very conservative and clean. I know they don’t approve of me or my lifestyle and that they would rather their daughter not be friends with my daughter.

My lifestyle isn’t that crazy or interesting, in all honesty. But I work at a radio station, dress most often in jeans, and am prone to swearing and sounding more like a truck driver than a minister. I don’t smoke, but I love a tasty, cold beer, and I’d rather wrap my hands around a cheeseburger than pick at a Cobb salad.

I’m more concerned that their judgement is going to affect my daughter than anything else, but is that ridiculous?

Rough Around the Edges

You’re an adult and can live your life anyway you see fit, as long as you’re not hurting anyone. From my POV, you sound like an involved parent with a not-so-mainstream job. Other than that, your lifestyle isn’t raising any alarm bells to me. I’d rather a (veggie) cheeseburger than a Cobb salad any day!

There’s no rule that states you must like every one of your children’s friends, or their parents. Can you honestly say that your parents fell over backward for every one of your friends? It’s a bonus if you do! Be kind, courteous and friendly, to the parents when you see them, and especially to the child.

As for your daughter, she loves you as you. As she grows up and meets different people, she may look at you through a changing lens, but that’s healthy. It’s her growing, maturing and forming her own opinions. Keep your relationship with her strong and close and neither of you will be affected by others’ judgements.

The world is full of judgemental people; teach your child to be confident in her own self and her beliefs, and to have a tough skin.

I have a crush on one of my work colleagues and I know I shouldn’t. She’s newly engaged, completely out of my league and just glows with happiness. I’m all giddy when I’m around her and can barely string a sentence together. Some of my friends at work have noticed and nudge me if they can, but it only helps momentarily.

I feel like a teenager, and I know I need to control myself. This woman is new to our office, so she’s never known me without this soppy personality. How can I find my footing? This has been going on for a few months now.

Crushing

You have got to get it together! Do you need to be in the same room as this woman often? Do you have to work on projects together? Is there any way that, for the foreseeable future, you can avoid being in the same place at the same time?

You didn’t mention the type of office that you work in, but hopefully you can quietly make yourself scarce when this woman is around until you’ve managed to get your feelings in check. She’s engaged TO SOMEONE ELSE! This isn’t a TV show where everyone is in love with everyone they can’t have and leaves the audience wanting more. These are real people, with real lives, and you need to walk away, sir.

FEEDBACK Regarding financial concerns (July 3):

Reader – “Generate a spreadsheet and note every expense amount and income amount.  Separate into needs and wants.  Take a deep dive into all your utility bills.  Are there features they can alter or even cancel? Can those costs be reduced?

“Look for the cheaper alternative in everything. For example, instead of buying Chinese takeout, learn to cook yourself.  Are they using all the data they’re paying for on their cell phone plan? Have they shopped around for car or home insurance recently?  With a little effort, those could probably be lowered as well.

“Be brutally honest with all expenses.  Every penny adds up.

“Also, appearances can be very deceiving.  Maybe those people are sending their kids to summer camp, but perhaps they’re compensating elsewhere. The headline says it all - Don’t concern yourself with other people’s finances.”

Lisi – Agreed. Focus on your own bank account.