Several years ago, when my oldest daughter was thinking of going out west to university, I mentioned it to some friends with older children in my yoga class. Another woman, whom I don’t know, leaned over and proceeded to tell me NOT to let my daughter go. She then proceeded to tell us a horrific story of her neighbour’s son who died after smoking a joint laced with fentanyl.
I had nightmares for weeks, and then my daughter decided on a different university. I put that story out of my mind; my daughter wasn’t a smoker anyway, and it was just too awful to ruminate over.
A few days ago, my cousin told me that her son has switched his first choice of schools and is heading out west. He IS a big pothead, unbeknownst to my cousin. And now I’m in a panic! What do I do?
Agonizing Aunt
Do NOT run over to your cousin’s and tell her this frightening tale of a teen fatality. Depending on the relationship you have with your cousin’s son, you could talk to him privately, as a caring family member. You somehow know about his smoking habits when his mother doesn’t, so you must have some in with him.
And, as a parent with a child who already left for university, you could talk to your cousin about the things she should be talking to her son about before he goes away. Basic stuff, such as, how to manage his time, how to budget his play money, how to get the most out of the meal program you’ve paid for, how to be VERY respectful with regards to consent, and how to be extremely careful when smoking dope, making sure it’s clean, not laced and from somewhere reputable, not some guy off the street.
Vancouver is frequently cited as the fentanyl or opioid capital of the world, so it wouldn’t be out of pocket for you to stress the severity of this issue. Make sure he knows that none of you are judging in any way, but rather, looking out for his health and welfare because you love him.
My sister only has two friends, and I don’t think they’re actually true friends to her. I don’t understand because my sister is hilarious, smart, so pretty and so nice. And I’m not the only one who feels this way. All our cousins always want to hang out with her when they come over and beg her to babysit all the time.
I know she’d rather go out with her friends on a Saturday night, but no one seems to ever be free to hang out with her. She had a boyfriend for a few months, but I also think he wasn’t legit. He entered her life and was gone just as quickly.
She’s so unhappy and I want her to smile. How can I help her?
Sad Sister
You sound like such a caring sibling. She’s lucky to have you! Sometimes, the personality and character traits we feel comfortable showing our family, we hide from the outside world. Sometimes, it’s due to a comfort level, meaning because we feel so comfortable at home, we can be our true selves. When we’re out in the world full of strangers who we fear are judging us, we hide behind our anxieties and then present ourselves in a way that doesn’t truly highlight who we are.
This may be what’s happening with your sister. Your ages are unclear, but hopefully, as she gets older, your sister will mature into herself, gain self-confidence, and care less what others think of her, thus allowing her to behave outside of the home more like she behaves inside – and that will attract high-quality people to her. Or, she’s simply had a run of bad luck with her friends and boyfriends and she deserves better. Encourage her to keep her standards high when it comes to the people she lets in. She’ll find her people.
FEEDBACK Regarding no cure in pedicure (May 11):
Reader – “The writer should contact the local public health unit and report the incident. They will followup to ensure the clinic is properly disinfecting/sterilizing equipment between uses.
“Also, a fungal infection is a relatively innocent infection that can be somewhat easily dealt with vs. hepatitis B which cannot. Hepatitis B is transferred through infected blood/bodily fluids on equipment that is not properly sterilized between uses. It is preventable as well through vaccination.
“I work in health care and I see a registered chiropodist every six weeks. They’re regulated health professionals who only work on feet/nails. Everything they use is sterilized.
I then paint my own nails or book a polish only at a local nail salon (that I know has passed public health inspections).
“Your health is never worth the potential cost of infection.”
A nurse who loves her chiropodist