What’s love if there’s no happiness? I’ve loved this man for years but there was nothing beyond sex. I tried being with different men, and had two kids from another man, thinking that I’d forget about him.
After four years, I left the kids’ father for him, thinking I’d be happy. Wrong again. I thought he could change my life but he only took advantage of me.
He doesn’t work, claims depression, and uses illegal drugs. He hurt me mentally and physically, isn’t trying to have a future together, yet I’m still here.
We had a baby son; I thought that would change his life, I’m still wrong.
I want to leave but don’t have the courage; his family would interfere because of our son.

- What to Do?

One-sided love, with a loser, which is how you’ve described this guy - is an illusion. You’ve chased it long enough; now, look at reality.
You have three children including a baby, and no responsible partner, no financial or emotional support. If you leave him, he has a right to see his son; but his family can’t intervene beyond that, if you’re competent to raise your own child.
Stop dreaming of changing him, or having him change your life that’s up to you. Get legal-aid advice, visit a women’s shelter if needed, and learn how to make a safe, workable plan for leaving, along with your children.

Is it normal for my 4-year-old son to show attitude when asked to do something?

- Worried

He’s attempting some independence, and showing he’s ready for simple negotiations: e.g. do this, then you can play. It’s common behaviour for youngsters between ages three and five.

I’m 47, adopted as a newborn. I eventually rejected my adoptive mother’s way of life for other religious beliefs.
She’s now mid-80s, and always been very critical of me. I’m frequently in tears because she brings up the past, how I brought her nothing but shame and disgrace her whole life, how her baby died when she was 24, etc. She never accepted me for the individual person I was.
I now have five of my own children, am religious and modest but don’t know how to deal with her anymore. She’s miserable in her life, though I’ve said, “You still have your husband, thank God, your home and help.”
Her nastiness has alienated all my children. The doctor recommended she see a psychiatrist, but she refuses.
I divorced several years ago, sold my home and put the money meant for child support into a joint account. She took that money.
I’m struggling; she enjoys seeing me that way. I want to see my father (who always loved me) but she forbids me to visit and he’s domineered by her.
I have no relatives, and feel alone and frustrated. Is it too late for me, to expect her to have mercy for me and love me unconditionally? My children feel sorry for me, but won’t get involved.

- Wit’s End

Apply your good advice to your own situation, and it would be: You have children who understand you, and the inner strength to carve your own path all these years.
Take heart from all you’ve accomplished, despite the absence of encouragement. There’s no point in expecting her to change it IS too late for her, but not for you.
Try to see your father outside his home. And stop seeking approval from this woman, whose deep unhappiness has clearly come from many sources, outside of you.

We’re a small group of cottage-owners with beachfront properties, without fences in between. We get along, and respectfully stay on our own lots when anyone has guests.
Recently, one neighbour left for a while, telling her niece she could use her cottage. The woman, her friends and all their kids overran all our places, used all our equipment, and didn’t even introduce herself!
What should we say to our neighbour when she returns, without ruining our relationship?

- Outraged

Call an owner’s meeting with the practical agenda of deciding how to handle the open boundaries in future. Without blaming this neighbour, note that you all need mutually agreed property-use rules that apply to everyone’s visitors.
Rule No. 1: Alerting your neighbours to expected guests, during the owner’s absence. Also, consider sharing the cost of planting hedge markers (planted only half-way, if openness is still desired); they’re meant to delineate rather than divide.