I'm a male college student, 22, whose three close friends are fighting. I'm straight, but my roommate (A) is gay, which we've all known for years, it doesn't bother us.
Recently, he revealed that he had feelings for my other friend (B) and wants to cut him out of his life so that he doesn't start to hate him out of frustration. But B doesn't mind that A has feelings for him and is hurt that he can't see him anymore. I have to balance my time between being friends with each of them.
Worse, my third friend, (C) who frequently visits without calling me first, is disliked by B, who doesn't want him coming over to his place. So I have to either make C leave or cancel plans with B who's mad at me because I don't spend enough time with him.
Ellie, I go over to B's almost every day, we talk all the time online, the only way to spend more time with him is to cut C out of my life, I have no idea how to balance my friends out without hurting anybody.
- Caught in the Middle
Stop letting others bat you back and forth like a ping-pong ball. This isn't about balancing friends, but rather about your controlling friends and their sway over you. Your job is not to referee everyone else's changed alliances. It's to set some limits on what you'll accept from your friends. For example, A's decision to drop B is his business. The same goes for B's dislike of C.
Seeing friends' separately is what happens when old gangs break up; but you do not have to scurry about in fear if ever these people meet or end up in the same place. It's their problem, not yours.
I've had an intense crush on a co-worker for five months and wish I could just switch off my emotions and stop thinking about him. I wish he'd do something hurtful so I can destroy my ideal image of him. He's always very helpful when I ask; he'll smile, make eye contact and sometimes put a hand on my shoulder. But I think that's just his way.
So I've tried distracting myself by trying to meet other people. For the first time in my life (28) I went on a date with someone (I posted an ad online). I'm still thinking about my crush, albeit not as intensely. Should I continue trying to avoid him at work and hope these feelings will go away? PS. It probably doesn't help that I've just moved to a new country six months ago and am missing friends from home.
- Workplace Crush
Huge changes bring huge emotions - and in your case, a move, and isolation from friends has triggered a big yearning for companionship. You've fixated on this co-worker, yet it sounds like you know little about him. So far, it's a fantasy and unlikely to be as thrilling in reality. However, you've done the smart thing by starting to date, and reaching out to make it happen. Warning: don't just transfer your wishful thinking; your one date partner is still a stranger too until you see each other many more times.
A romance isn't the only way to adapt to your move… and is a lot harder to achieve than some good friendships. Start getting to know other co-workers, neighbours, people you meet through interest groups, etc. You need to build a network of pals and colleagues, and trusted people who act as family, including older and younger people. Daydreaming that a man will act as your rescuer from loneliness is usually a set-up for disappointment.
There's this guy and he's pretty much my whole life but lately it seems like he's trying to push me out of his life. Also, now that this happened, my old crush confessed that he liked me. I tried to keep away from my old crush but found myself being drawn to him. I have no idea what I should do.
You're not doing any thinking, just reacting, and running from one guy to another. You're not as ready for a committed relationship as you think. And relying on someone to be your "whole life" isn't the answer, either. I believe you need more time making friendships with guys without being needy of constant attention. Guys push away girls who cling to them.
Tip of the day:
Do not let friends dictate your loyalties, according to their whims.