I'm a divorced woman, 50, who's been dating a divorced banker; we'd see each other on weekends only. He didn't want me dating anyone else, but after one year, I caught him with another woman at his home.
He assured me that she was just a friend, they did have sex occasionally (with protection), but she didn't mean anything to him.
He later said he'd broken it off but I discovered he was seeing her again, twice a month.
He purchased a new home and we agreed to spend three days weekly there, to "feel out" whether we'd be happy living together.
I finally realized that I cannot continue the relationship while he's still seeing the other woman. I left him a phone message; he hasn't called me back. If I hang in, I'm sure he'll eventually give her up. I'm afraid he believes that a senior executive deserves two women.
He gives new meaning to the term "executive perks."
No, he's not entitled to more sexual partners than bank tellers and clerks, but if you accept his half-week plan, you'll confirm his assumptions that he can have two women coming and going like so many deposits and withdrawals.
Stay firm in your decision; stay apart (don't call) until he assures you that he wants a full-time, exclusive relationship. Anything less will bring you
suspicions, humiliation and heartache.
A group of us work in a health care office in rather close proximity to each other and to the patients. A new employee seems to have personal hygiene problems that we find offensive.
We're all of the same cultural background, so we don't believe culture, religion or diet are necessarily the problem.
How would you advise us to handle this situation? There are senior staff members of the same gender who I think ought to help.
- Awkward Situation
A memo from a supervisor about "office standards" for personal hygiene would be the most effective and least awkward for your colleague group. A general memo sent to everyone avoids singling out this person in an embarrassing way.
But if the message doesn't prompt a change, someone will have to speak directly to the offender and it would be best if it's a senior staffer. Think ahead as to which one has the tact and sensitivity to handle this well, before broaching him/her.
Some people do sweat more than others; and if there are office lab coats being worn that have some synthetic fibres, these could be exacerbating any problem of body odour.
I married my husband and emigrated here eight years ago; we now have two children and good jobs. My husband has three older brothers but his parents always lived with us. We've supported them, and they looked after the kids.
With both children in school, I feel his other brothers should take care of the parents, too. Am I being selfish?
My mother-in-law has always said negative things about me to my husband, sworn at me, accused me of gossiping, stealing and lying. I cannot take it anymore and am having health problems due to this ongoing stress.
My husband never says anything to her. He argues with me and always sides with his family even if they're wrong. He believes it's our "duty" to look after them. I agree, but our household feels so negative that I'm thinking of leaving even though I love him. How can I save my marriage?
You traded off your in-laws' presence for their babysitting, so you WILL appear selfish to everyone in the family, including your husband, unless you try to resolve this in a caring way. Talk to your husband about the need for a meeting with all his brothers, to discuss workable ideas. For example, since you're out working all week, perhaps you could get relief on the weekends when your in-laws could visit another son. Perhaps they could spend a few weeks in summer with the other families. Meantime, consider couples'
counselling. Your husband is harming your relationship by not speaking up for you; and that stress is making you more intolerant of his Mom.
Tip of the day:
You can't test a romance for long-term possibilities if there's a third partner in the picture.