I'm a happily married man, 40, with one son. In my late teens I dated and loved a young woman who got pregnant and had an abortion. Soon after, a bitter disagreement over a financial matter with her mother ended our relationship.
It was tough for me to get over as I'd hoped we'd one day have a family and somehow make-up for the abortion. I've had no contact with her or her family since.
I'm considering contacting her mother to explain my regrets at how things happened. I'd like to explain that her daughter meant the world to me but I lacked the maturity to handle the situation. More importantly, I hope to expresses similar feelings to my ex-girlfriend (she's since married and I don't have her contact information. Should I contact her parents?
You no longer have the excuse of youth to stir up a mess.
Do NOT contact this family. Do NOT track down your ex-girlfriend. Neither she nor her parents are likely to want to re-visit this difficult time. She may've needed counselling help to move on; she may've never told her husband about the abortion.
The apparent guilt you're carrying is yours to handle, not something you soothe away through others. You were both young, it's long over; she's never tried to contact you. See a therapist to talk out the past, if it continues to haunt you.
My husband is a kind, loyal best friend to a man I cannot stand - a rude braggart, age 30. This man has lied to my husband, made him look bad at work, and been his usual rude self to me. He treats all women poorly.
It came to a head - I got drunk and told him he's the biggest a#% I've ever met. (I know: Dumb). The next day I suggested to my husband that he see this friend anywhere but at my home, and I told my husband that he hasn't been treating me fairly by requesting me to hold my tongue.
My husband's too mad to talk to me. I don't know what to do next.
You acted as unfairly as your husband by embarrassing him; and you behaved as rudely as his friend with your drunken insults. You owe hubby an apology. Say that you regret your outburst, when instead the two of you should've worked out a logical solution long ago.
You should also take the high road by apologizing to his friend. Tell him that his past rudeness to you put you under strain but you regret acting badly yourself. By disarming him, you may even get a chance to detail (calmly) some of his annoying ways, so he can consider changing them. Meanwhile, visit a girlfriend on occasions when the two men get together.
It's five years since my mother's death.
My parents divorced 30 years prior and both re-married. My mother's husband has also passed. My mother left no savings, or house. Everything had to be sold in order to pay for her funeral.
Later, my sister discovered an insurance policy taken out many years back, worth $1200, with our father as the beneficiary. The insurance agent asked for my father's address, to mail the cheque. My siblings and I believed our father would give us the money towards the funeral, but he didn't, he kept it.
My sister finally decided to tell my father that he did the wrong thing, that he betrayed our mother and us. It's been five days, and no response from my father. We hear he's angry. How should we deal with this, without it destroying our family?
- Fearing Family's End
Your father did the wrong thing but may have had deeply personal reasons. A death of an ex-spouse can bring regrets, guilt and other troubling emotions; he may've kept the money as his connection to the past. Still, it was a selfish and thoughtless act on behalf of his children.
That said it's now your choice whether to forgive him and try to retain family ties. Each of you and your siblings may react differently to this situation. Talk about it together. Do not confuse your grief over your Mom's loss, with a need to punish your father, especially not for her sake. I'd bet your mother would've wanted you to live in peace, not with dissent and anger. There's more than money or even principle at stake.
Tip of the day:
Stirring up an old emotional can spread the sadness further.