I’ve recently re-united with my ex of many years ago, who cheated on me then.
At the time, he was unfaithful with a woman he didn’t have the courage to leave. I left him immediately when I found out.
He’s a different man now and I believe in forgiveness. But I’m finding it very difficult sometimes, when I remember things and feel unbelievable pain.  Although he’s trying to be compassionate, I don’t think he can truly understand.
In the past, he’d used his work, his friends and other situations to lie to me so that he could cheat. So of course, when he tells me he’s going out with so and so, it’s hard for me to trust him.
I know the trust will take a long time but sometimes it’s just too much for me. When we have good times, they’re great, but the bad times are so painful.
Can someone who lied so much become an honest person today?

- Painful

Weigh the good times against the bad and make a decision together: Either you’re both IN this relationship, or OUT. And if you’re IN, then you both have work to do.
Because you’re both aware of the past affair and have decided to get back together, he needs once and for all, to tell you why it happened and why he’s certain he’ll not stray again.
You need to believe and accept him, and put it behind you.
If you can’t do that, going to couples’ counselling together will be your only other chance to make this renewed relationship last.

My husband left me for another woman; it's a year since we separated. We have two sons, ages 15 and 11 - I have custody, but he has access to them every other weekend. The boys look forward to spending time with him.
It now appears that the relationship with his girlfriend has stepped up a notch and the kids’ visits regularly include her company. She’s developed a bond with my boys and has been showering them with gifts and other things.
I confronted my 15-year-old after discovering a T-shirt that she purchased for him from a recent holiday. This was upsetting to me, I felt it was an invasion of my space, that gifts from her to my boys don’t belong in my household, and that my son should be sensitive and respect my feelings.
My son feels differently and insists on wearing his new T-shirt, whenever/wherever.
Am I being unreasonable and overreacting in this situation?

- Upset Mom

Yes, you’re overreacting; worse, you’re pushing your son away by placing the burden of your personal feelings on him.
Understandably, your husband’s affair was hurtful; but that part of your life with him is over. The new situation requires both parents – plus whomever else is going to be involved with your children – to be mature and thoughtful in dealings with the boys.
Recognize that it’s a good thing that the woman is developing a decent bond with them, far better than if she were unkind or disinterested. Her gifts won’t change the fact that they are your sons, not hers.
However, if you raise conflict over every T-shirt, or visit they have that includes her, you’ll be creating problems where they needn’t exist.
Be the good mother you want to be, by helping your sons adjust to the separation, and by not making it a battle for their loyalties.

I’m from a traditional background (East Indian), dating a Caucasian man for two years.
He’s the confidante of three female friends and only recently admitted they were ex-girlfriends.
He’d said one was a roommate for three years, but later acknowledged they’d been lovers, too.
He’d lied, thinking I wouldn’t date him if I knew. He was right.
I believe two of his exes still have feelings for him.
He says I’m insecure for no reason, that he loves them, but not in "that way.”

- Shattered

Unless he eases away from his too-intense role as these women’s confidante, you’ll eventually leave him.
His use of the “I” word about his feelings for them is insensitive, knowing your discomfort. Since he knew you’d have problems with such close connections to former lovers, he should’ve disclosed sooner and included you in his friendships with them.
He’s insecure – so needy of female attention.