Why is it so hard to let go of my ex? He's not right for me yet I always let him back in. He's cheated on me and he’s currently with the girl he cheated on me with, but he still comes back to me. He says I provide him things that his girlfriend doesn't.
I know what we’re doing is wrong. I've changed my cell and avoided him for extended period of times but I always get suckered back with him.
I know he's selfish; I know there’s too much dishonesty and lies.
What’s wrong with me? How do I end this vicious, toxic cycle?
I've sought therapy, am starting to date other guys, but in the end, I'm always back to square one. This has been going on for about two years and I can't take it anymore.
Is it low self-esteem?
Call yourself a “sucker,” and you’ll act like one. And then you make it seem okay to be treated like one, too.
Yes, it’s low self-esteem but please don’t see that fact as a permanent label.
You’re the one making the decisions that keep plunging your self-esteem lower, and you’re the one who can change this pattern. Stay with your therapy over enough time to understand why you accept this treatment. Then straighten your spine and recognize you don’t have to.
You can find a better partner in the future than one who’s a cheating, lying, using jerk. Moreover, he’s shown no interest in changing.
Telling him to finally get lost is the first crucial step in not being a sucker anymore.
My husband and I have been married for 20 years with two adult children. We love each other.
However, whenever we’ve had the occasional disagreement, instead of discussing it, he withdraws completely from me for two to three weeks. The disagreements could be about household chores, frequency of sex, money or a family matter. Later, he snaps out of it and apologizes and acts as if everything is alright.
I accept it and also do not make a big deal about it.
He’s a good husband and father.
The kids will soon be out of the house and I’m looking forward to spending the rest of our lives together. But I’m tired of being treated like this and I know that we will continue to have the occasional disagreement.
- Fed Up
Some people have great discomfort with conflict, often rooted in how arguments were handled in their childhood.
Hideaway Hubby may not think it’s a big problem because it only happens now and then -- and for that same reason, some partners would feel it’s not worth further pursuit (as you’ve clearly felt in the past).
But if you now find this intolerable, you need to express your concerns about the future together. Tell him – without starting a fight – that his withdrawal is like a child’s “silent temper tantrum.” It doesn’t solve the disagreement, it just gets him out of having to deal with it. But he’s also punishing you this way.
Suggest that if this occurs again, you need to go to couples’ counselling together. If he stalks off into his distant zone, you can try the shock approach to wake him up to your frustration - hand him two phone numbers: one, belonging to a marriage therapist, the other to a lawyer.
I have two children with my common-law husband of six years, but recently learned he had an affair and may have fathered a child. I’ve forgiven him, as we weren’t getting along at that time.
We’ve rebuilt our relationship but I can’t get over that he may have a child with this woman.
He’s taking a paternity test; I’m not sure if I can stay with him if the baby is his.
My family and friends say to put it back of my mind since we’ve gotten past everything else.
Decide if you want to live with this man, for who he is, how he treats you, and what kind of father he is. Then, recognize that if it’s his, the child will be in his life – financially, and perhaps for shared child-rearing.
If he’s the right man for you, his child cannot be “back of mind.” Accept it.
Tip of the day:
It’s an old adage but it rings true in relationships – keep doing what you always did, and you’ll always get the same result.