My new in-laws have a big Canada Day cottage party every summer. They’ve worked hard all their lives and love to celebrate the country that welcomed them and gave them the opportunity to succeed. And they’ve been very successful.
They usually invite all their family and lots of friends to spend the weekend at the cottage. Some come for the day; others spend the night. The place can sleep about 14 comfortably and kids sleep in the boat house.
I LOVED the first year I attended! The weather was perfect, everyone was so kind, and we had a fabulous long weekend. I was out of town for work the second year, and the third year was cancelled due to a family issue. Last year was our first year as a married couple and it was fabulous.
This year, the holiday lands on a Wednesday and I need to work Thursday and Friday. My husband doesn’t, so I’ve suggested he go up Tuesday night, and I’ll come Friday night for the weekend. But my mother-in-law is giving me the gears.
How do I explain that I don’t want to drive up Tuesday night, just to drive back Wednesday night?
Obligations
My understanding is that some companies are allowing their employees to work from home Thursday and Friday since the civic holiday is on Wednesday. But if yours isn’t, then it isn’t. Unfortunately, it’s a one-day holiday that ALWAYS takes place on July 1. All federal, provincial and municipal offices are closed, as are most banks and major grocery stores. But everyone opens back up on the 2nd unless it’s a Sunday.
Tell your in-laws that you’re the saddest of everyone not to be able to make the extended holiday work, and you’ll see them on Friday. And don’t engage any further. Let your husband absorb the backlash.
My sister has been married for many years to the same man and lives in a terrible situation. Just recently, she inherited a decent sum of money from our parents. Her daughter has since (thankfully) secured the funds in a new joint bank account with my sister. Her husband does NOT have access to this account.
Since then, he’s taken away her debit and credit cards twice (then returned them), denying her access to their joint account into which all her pay goes. When my sister asked her husband how she was supposed to pay for groceries, he said it wasn't his problem!
He reads all her texts, emails and screens her phone calls (her iPhone is in his name) which is how he found out she was to receive her money from a Personal & Confidential email from our lawyer. (My brother and I are the trustees for our parents' estate.) He has even blocked this daughter (who helped her mom secure her inheritance) from my sister's iPhone.
My sister lives with verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and financial abuse which is unbelievable to me. Moreover, she does all the housework, shopping and outdoor work! I don't understand how she can put up with this situation and we as a family (her children, their partners, and my brother and myself) don’t know how to help her as she seems unwilling to acknowledge what an awful situation she lives in.
Very Concerned (Older) Sister
Your sister may not know herself how she puts up with it, but getting away from him may feel impossible. First, she needs to speak to someone who can explain to her that she is suffering unnecessary abuse. Hopefully, coming from a professional, she may snap into reality. She then needs to make a safe exit plan. And then she should reroute her income to her own account, get a new phone, and change her email address.
FEEDBACK Regarding the hospital mistreatment (April 22):
Reader – “I have strong feelings about how our health care is deteriorating. My husband has been in the hospital a lot over the years and has had excellent treatment but lately, with government cuts and health care workers with post COVID PTSD and understaffed, overworked, the health care workers are stretched beyond reason.
“I know of health care workers with PTSD from COVID who have left the province to work elsewhere. I think it’s our responsibility to all write our MPP and really make a point about this serious situation. I want quality public health care to stay, and we must not let it slip away. If it does, the system will be awful. Healthcare for profit is only good for the top one per cent.
“We must respect our healthcare workers and treat them with dignity – or we’ll lose them.”