My girlfriend just dumped me. We’ve been together four months. She’s lovely and sweet, a nurse who spends all of her free time helping new immigrants. I understand that we’re different – I spend my free time watching and/or playing sports.
I work hard when I work. I’m an architect’s apprentice and work construction on many of his projects. It’s an amazing opportunity because I get to see the plan and then the execution of that plan. But I’m tired at the end of the day, and beat by the end of the week.
I don’t have much time for her during the week, and she has no time for me during the weekend. But I really like her and thought we were enjoying what little time we had together. How can I get her to reconsider?
From your description, there’s not much of a relationship. It sounds like there’s no love lost since you don’t spend any time together. Nor do you have any of the same interests or hobbies.
You’re both young and putting time into your careers, which is commendable. But relationships need work to work. All couples have to compromise to make sure they spend time together.
You could try talking to your ex, asking her if the lack of quality time together is what ended the relationship. If yes, you could ask her to give you another chance. But you’d have to make good on your promise of spending more time together, both in quantity and quality.
However, after four months she may just not be that into you.
I’m a guy in my early 20s. I just finished university with a summer travel plan with three of my high school buddies as a last hurrah before starting our adult working lives. We’ve been talking about this trip since our last year of high school.
Two of the guys have long-term girlfriends who are going on a trip of their own, meeting us twice during the trip. They’re great girls and I’m excited to see them.
But the other guy has recently met a girl, and none of us really like her. We haven’t had much chance to get to know her, but she’s not our type of people. She’s very different than us.
He’s head over heels for her and we’re afraid that he’s either going to ask if she can join us (no way!), ask the girls if she can join them (doubtful), or cancel and spend the summer with her.
How do we pre-empt whatever he’s thinking?
If your trip was several months away, I’d say back down and see how the relationship plays out for a while longer. But the timing is imminent so I understand your pressure.
Plan a guy’s night to discuss the trip, tighten up your itinerary, and your budget. Talk about your expectations – is this an international pub crawl? A beach chill? Or a cultural educational experience?
Discuss in advance how things will differ when you meet up with the two girlfriends. For example, instead of the four of you sharing one room to save money, you’ll probably need three rooms. That’ll increase your budget for those days.
This is the perfect segue to ask your friend what his thoughts are regarding his girlfriend for the summer. Hear him out, but be prepared for discussion. If you come to an impasse, agree to disagree and all of you walk away from the conversation. Agree to revisit in a day or two.
Your friend’s new relationship may change the trip as a whole but hopefully the four of you will get to spend the bulk of the trip together. This is life. Learn to go with the flow and be flexible.
FEEDBACK Regarding the 20-somethings (March 16):
Reader – “I rarely read the woes of people who write to the paper to solve their problems, but this one concerning the poor young men harassed by older women caught my eye.
“Someone should remind them that women have been harassed, ogled at, wolf whistled at, had their fannies slapped, their private parts groped at, had drunk guys slobber all over them, saying lewd and disgusting things to them since time began. So, perhaps these older women are getting some payback for how they have been treated (by men, by society, by the media) through their lives.
“My suggestion to these young Gen Zs is to get over themselves and be more concerned about the part they play in continuing the testosterone-fueled habit of disrespecting, disregarding and sexualizing women.”