It’s my boyfriend’s birthday soon and for his gift, I wanted to do something sexy. I secretly took pole dancing lessons - which are very difficult - because he has this random pole in his apartment that we always joke about.

I made a whole plan, but now he’s told me that he wants to do a bunch of stuff with friends and family, literally leaving no time for us alone. He even said he was planning on sleeping at his brother’s that night.

Am I missing something?

Pole Problems

It sounds as though your boyfriend is avoiding any alone time with you. Are things going OK in your relationship? You may want to speak with him before the big day. It doesn’t have to be a heavy conversation, just something simple, like, “I’m hoping to spend some quality alone time with you on your birthday. Can we schedule that into the day’s events?”

You’ll know from his response what’s going on. Good luck!

I broke my pelvis several months ago and have been healing and rehabilitating ever since. I’m now at the point where I am receiving fascial massage to help with the pain and healing. I started seeing a new massage therapist who specializes in this type of massage.

She was very gentle, and asked if she could touch me in areas that were borderline what regular massage incorporates. For example, she needed to go a little lower in front and on my stomach. I was fine with that. Then she asked if she could massage the area under my breasts, to which I replied, “no problem.”

But then she touched my breasts. She didn’t ask, she didn’t massage. She just touched. I opened my eyes, but she was facing away from me, working on my obliques. I didn’t say anything, and it didn’t happen again. I can’t tell if I imagined it, if it really happened, or what. I may have been asleep……

Do I go back for another session?

Inappropriate touching

No, I wouldn’t go back. Even if you dreamt it, you’re uncomfortable. The whole point of massage is to relax, and you won’t if you think this therapist might touch you inappropriately.

There are plenty of good massage therapists out there. I always prefer the recommendation of a friend. Ask around, but also do a Google search and check out their reviews.

My girlfriend has just informed me that she’s getting breast augmentation. We’ve never discussed it. She’s never mentioned wanting bigger breasts. Yes, her breasts are small, but I love them! She’s stunning just as she is.

I’m confused as to why she would just go ahead with a major surgery without even discussing it with me. Yes, I would have tried to talk her out of it, but I wouldn’t have forcibly stopped her from doing something she wants to do.

We’ve been together over two years, and it has honestly never come up in conversation, so I’m just shocked.

What do I do?

Boob Job

There’s nothing for you to DO. You can talk to your girlfriend and tell her how you feel, starting with the fact that you love her AS IS. Then you can say that you would have preferred for her to have shared her thoughts with you because it feels as though she’s been keeping a big secret. And then you can tell her that you would prefer if she didn’t go ahead with it, but if she does, you will be by her side to support her. Make sure you follow through.

If, after the surgery and the swelling has reduced, you still feel duped and disappointed, you have every right to change your relationship.

FEEDBACK Regarding navigating a second love (Nov. 28):

Reader – “I was struck by the similarities between today’s letter-writer, concerned about honouring his late wife and respecting his children and grandchildren, yet hoping to make his new companion comfortable in his home, and myself.

“At 78, I’ve been with a second love for three years following a 52-year marriage.  My partner, similar in age, was married for over 30 years in a second marriage, with three adult children from a long-ended first marriage.  We met a little short of a year after both our spouses had passed.

“We visit and stay in each other’s homes, in two separate provinces, monthly.  Both our homes are full of photos and mementoes of our late spouses, pictures of our grandchildren, etc. We’re both very much at ease with the evidence of our individual history on display in each other’s home.  We discussed it early on, but with the recognition that there was no need to hide things away for fear of offending the other’s sensibilities.”