I'm 37, a writer, actress, and former model, who’s single, attractive, intelligent.
Last summer, I contacted a prison inmate who’d become infamous. I’d never done this before.
I wrote to offer my support during his time in solitary confinement.
He wrote back one month later, was nice and intelligent. He addressed his long-ago crimes and said he was remorseful.
We corresponded for two months. I developed a crush on him. He said I could visit him in prison.
I responded that I’d like to visit him and never heard from him again.
I learned that a woman from his past wrote him during that same period.
She posted on Facebook his letters to her, said she was visiting him, they were in love and in a relationship.
I don't know why I'm jealous over this woman. She's married to a man who abused her.
I decided when I saw her posts, that I don't want to get involved in his personal life. Obviously, he’s broken and invites broken women into his life. Yet I'd like to still help him.
But I don't want him telling his girlfriend anything about me because she sounds a very jealous and possessive person who’d come after me.
I do plan to send him a birthday card to just say hi. Is this okay?
Hurting Over an Inmate
You’ve innocently wandered into a situation you don’t fully comprehend, where people have had searing experiences and their reactions aren’t predictable.
This woman’s openly bragging about their relationship. He’s stopped writing you from solitary confinement, an environment that must play havoc with his reactions.
You meant well. It’s over.
My boyfriend of two years has been separated for four years, and I’ve been divorced for 10 years.
We moved in together a year ago... turns out he and his ex-wife still share secrets, gossip, buy each other Christmas and birthday gifts, etc.
I work the night shift, take care of all house-cleaning, meals, groceries, everything.
He goes to work, eats, has a nap. He has his daughter, age eight, every weekend, every holiday, even when he takes his vacation.
It’s usually not a big deal, as kids come first no matter what.
However, we do nothing together as a couple.
I planned a weekend get-away for the two of us, but he cancelled because it was his ex-wife's birthday.
My birthday was a few months back and I got no gift, no card, not even a “happy birthday.”
Why make a big deal of hers and not mine?
He tells me everyday that I’m beautiful, sexy, and he loves me. Yet whenever I initiate intimacy I get brushed off, he’s tired…
But once a month when he wants it, there’s a different story.
Will this relationship last or am I going to have to continue to be the maid/ roommate, while he puts her up on a pedestal?
Can’t Take Much More
You’re giving too much, getting too little.
Even though children come first, so does teaching them respect for someone special - YOU, her understanding Step-Mom.
So insist on that couple-only weekend, as soon as possible.
Your current one-sided relationship will NOT last if you don’t make significant changes.
Example: He can pick up a meal for you both sometime, take you out for dinner.
Meanwhile, set up a regular routine of shopping, cooking, and cleaning up together.
Be clear that you no longer accept less than a partnership.
Tell him why – he’s treating you as second-class, including his shameful ignoring of your birthday.
I’m a gay man, 39, dating a flamboyant “kid,” 20, who has drug issues.
We’d dated briefly before, and then parted. He immediately found someone else. I heard he was into hard drugs.
Now he’s returned, asking for help. He comes from a good family and wants to quit the drug scene.
I want to help, but have a business, and am well known. Should I be worried?
Smitten but Concerned
You should be very wary – of his dealers and others from the drug scene, and of him, too, even though you can still be helpful.
But boundaries are crucial.
Insist that he cannot bring that drug world into your home.
Be aware of where you keep money and expensive, saleable items. He may be unable to resist temptation if he gets desperate and/or is preyed upon by others.
Consider contacting his family for support and connecting him to a drug rehabilitation program.
Tip of the day:
Don’t enter into situations you cannot comprehend or handle.