I’ve fallen in love with my husband’s best friend. Neither he nor I could stop it because our feelings are so powerful.

He and my husband have been friends for years, but are very different. I think I was attracted to the same thing in both – they were raised in another country with a strong, warm, lively culture.

But after a few years together I realized my husband was trying to leave that behind, while his friend remained passionate, positive, loves to dance, sing, and celebrate.

Like me, he found his marriage growing dull and stale. We saw the same thing in each other’s eyes, and were both hooked.

I have a good income, so financial security isn’t an issue. He’s a good father and I expect to share custody of our kids with him. The same is true on my loved one’s side.

How do we handle this decently without everyone only seeing us as betrayers and not as determined lovers seizing a wonderful chance?

Harsh Gossip Ahead

You’re those lovers, and you’re also admitted “betrayers.” You’ve both already made that choice, and with reasons you feel are justified.

You can’t control the gossips, you can only hold your heads high, and the critics will soon harp on other news.

More important, is how to help your children adapt to what’s happening and bolster them against gossip with security.

Hopefully, you and your husband will both know how important this is.

Counselling about the children can help you two work out a narrative that’s about moving forward with the changes, and assuring them that they’ll still spend equal time with each of you.

Your lover and his wife will also need to have those conversations with their children.

My sister and I rent a cottage together for two weeks. It’s a more affordable way to have that summer vacation and have our kids really know their cousins.

However, we raise them differently. My husband and I have rules where safety’s concerned, but we’re more relaxed about the kids staying up a little late if there’s something going on.

But we’re firm on kids’ eating schedules, and insisting on healthy foods and snacks. Their kids sometimes sleep late, skip breakfast, get hungry and cranky, grab sugar treats, and fights often happen.

How do we deal with this without causing us to not be able to share a cottage?

Concerned Sis

Talk it out ahead. It’ll put concerns on the table with four of you thinking of solutions, if you can do this with neither blame nor criticism.

Everyone can agree on safety, so set some of those rules out, and let them state some.

Then talk about kids’ fights and misbehavior with thoughts on how to handle them, say, time outs? What other solution doesn’t just target their kids?

A cheese and fruit break from play could be a better deterrent than “disciplinary action.”

Institute more food breaks, as if for fun. Besides, kids need respite from a long day in the sun.

Instead of waiting for lunch, have an 11 o’clock veggie and dip break, then 3pm fruit and half-sandwiches. You’ll even out all the kids’ blood-sugar highs and lows. If you put it this way to your sister and brother-in-law, and they see that it works, it might encourage them to adopt this pattern at home, too.

Be prepared to be a cheerleader for these changes initially – again without criticism.

Our son’s dating someone from a very different economic background. She’s a hard-working, decent young woman, 23, and very beautiful. He’s smitten. However, she’s telling our son that he’s “too privileged,” and urging him to leave his master’s degree program to “get out and work for a change.”

We’re heartsick that he might throw away his hard-earned education and chosen career path, before he graduates with the job opportunities that degree promises.

Worried Sick

Listen more than talk, and when you have a chance that’s not seen as arguing against her, ask how he pictures his future in a few years.

If he’s at all ambivalent, tell him he can love someone without having to prove he’s capable of work and responsibility in a field he’s chosen. Then back off, and let that thought percolate in his own mind.

Even if he does leave school, he can go back, if he recovers his former resolve.