Recently, my aunt with whom I was very close, passed away. Her one son lives overseas, and they’ve been somewhat estranged for quite some time. As her only child, and as she was a widow, her estate goes to him. However, she asked me to be the person who goes through her home and give away anything her son doesn’t want. She also knows I won’t just throw everything in the garbage, but will be thoughtful and give to charity, friends, and others who could benefit.

I spoke to my cousin, and he only asked for a few specific items. He was happy for me to keep all her jewelry, of which she had some fine pieces. He gave me carte blanche to do with the rest as I see fit.

I’m now going through her house meticulously and enjoying the trip down memory lane. I have found wonderful gifts for many people and have donated much to charity. As a matter of habit, I am going through all the pockets, zippers and pouches I find, especially in her multiple handbags.

Yesterday, I found a note written to me accompanied by many thousands of dollars. I am grateful beyond words, but I’m not sure if I should tell my cousin. He is not short of a penny and will receive the bulk of money from the sale of her home which she owned outright.

Do you think I need to tell my cousin about my find?

Gifted

My initial reaction is no. Your aunt asked you to do the work in the house, left you a specific note and a gift. The fact that the gift is money is what’s making you second guess. If it will make you feel better, you could call an estates’ lawyer and ask non-specific questions. But your cousin doesn’t seem to care about the contents of the house, which includes your gift.

My husband and I are in our mid-60s. We started our family young and stopped after two boys. They’re now adults, single and we’re retired. We live in two different states but see each other almost every other month. They’re good boys, help us out whenever we need, with whatever we need.

However, my husband has a son from an earlier relationship. He is selfish, uninterested in us and never really connected with his half-brothers. He’s married to a lazy woman who can’t even be bothered to raise their one child. They came for a visit several months ago and left the two-year-old with us.

We LOVE our grandson and are happy to care for him, but don’t have any understanding why this couple would dump their child. Now, after almost six months, we think we see signs of autism in our grandson and would like to have him evaluated. But the parents must instigate this type of evaluation, not us.

Instead of agreeing, or seemingly to even care, they’re not bothered. For the sake of the child, how can I circumvent the parents and get my grandson the help he needs?

Concerned Grandma

I don’t know the laws governing child care, health and education in your state, however, I suggest you and one of the parents take the child to his pediatrician. Once there, you can mention that the child is staying with you and comment on the actions and/or behaviours you notice that are concerning to you. The pediatrician should be able to recommend some deeper evaluations and testing. While at the pediatrician, you can ask if the child needs to be brought in by a parent or if you, as the grandparent and momentary guardian, are allowed to take that responsibility.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman whose husband keeps asking her on a date (Dec. 18):

Reader #1 – “She’s annoyed because her husband continues to show how much he cares by asking that they go out together. She’s the problem, not him. If she cared as much for him as he does for her, wouldn't she find the energy to go out with him? And maybe if she agreed to go out with him, he would limit the times he asks her. Maybe he keeps asking because he keeps hoping. Why doesn't she discuss this with him?  They could discuss places to go, when and make arrangements for a babysitter. Or maybe more help at home so she would have more energy.”

Reader #2 – “You’re spot on that it’s a good thing that her husband is asking. The relationship of the parents is the foundation of the family. Without a strong relationship the family can fall apart.”