Dear Readers - How big an age difference matters between two adults in love? Is there a different reaction if a man, not a woman, is the much younger partner?
I’m a woman in a terrific relationship with a lovely, talented man who’s 33. I’m 68. Friends say I look at least ten years younger.
My boyfriend and I are a great fit creatively and intellectually, very compatible in interests and hobbies, and enjoy a wonderful love life together.
There’s no risk of him taking advantage of me for my money.
We met after he placed an intriguing ad in the newspaper "companions wanted" column specifying the age of the women he wanted to meet.
He explained that women his own age weren’t interesting to him. He prefers older ladies. I, too, prefer younger men.
Why does society generally disapprove of such relationships?
We often hear of older men marrying much younger women, but that rarely raises eyebrows. But we’re often on guard and feel we must restrain ourselves when in public and wanting to kiss or hold hands.
Neither of us wants to be judged. Both of our families are curious, but supportive. Your views?
Ageless Love Story
Given the many unhappy relationships between couples of so-called “appropriate” ages, yours is a happy meeting of two people who knew what suited them.
As for the age-related what-ifs of the future, every couple faces the possibility of change through health issues which can happen to either the younger or older person.
Also, you’ve already placed full trust in him and likely had also secured your finances before you even met him.
Having supportive families in the judgemental time we live in, is a gift. Stay close to them.
Public affection? I’d say this same thing to all couples: Holding hands is sweet, but deep-kissing is private intimacy.
My best friend’s wife has cancer. They discovered the tumor when they were investigating why they weren’t getting pregnant.
They’re both absolutely devastated as they can’t start a family until the cancer is under control. It’s too early to know what the prognosis will be.
My “problem” is that my friend hasn’t told me! His mom called me because she’s worried that neither he nor his wife are talking to anyone about this. I’m definitely his best friend, so if he hasn’t told me, he hasn’t told anyone!
How do I broach the topic? Should I? We have an incredible friendship - we’ve never had secrets, share everything, and are completely open with each other.
He knows that I’d have zero judgement, and only want to help any way I could. Where do I go from here?
Bestie in Left Field
Proceed very thoughtfully. It’s a complex and frightening time for the couple. Cancer carries a scare not only about the wife not getting pregnant but about her entire health picture. Yet, when the tests are done, and the tumor assessed, their future may look much brighter.
Meanwhile, they’ve hunkered down in silence together. Perhaps his wife insisted on this till they know more. Respect their decision.
Do what’s the least intrusive - e.g., email or call him - without saying his mother told you anything. Just ask if he can go for a coffee with you, or whatever’s usual between you.
He may or may not tell you that they’re waiting for news that could be dire or a relief. He’ll open up when he can handle it.
I’ve discovered how my boyfriend really feels about me - hated, repulsed, embarrassed, etc.
He makes horrible comments about me, his long-time girlfriend, online. His friends add mean comments and don't even know me.
How can loving and caring for someone get you hated and despised?
Going to sleep every night now seriously hoping that I don't wake up. Couldn't be any sadder. I truly hope none of this happens, but all these stories and people's comments can only be real.
I urge you to block your (hopefully now) ex-boyfriend/his followers from online access to your email, phone and all social media accounts.
Only mean people engage in the public nastiness/bullying of your ex. You must wake up every day believing in yourself.
Then call the Canada Suicide Prevention Service at 833-456-4566. If you’re in Toronto, call 416-408-4357. There are suicide prevention workers who’ll understand your pain and talk with you.
Tip of the day:
If you love/trust someone much younger or older, live your life and relationship without fear of judgment.