My husband and I are still newlyweds, but people (some we barely know) keep asking when we're going to have a baby.

I love and want kids someday, but not now. I'm only 23 and we're both getting more education.

My mother and mother in-law told me that my outlook on kids is very mature and we're ready when WE are ready.

But I am getting REALLY confused. We could "manage" if we had a child, but I want to enjoy being a parent and give our child the best opportunities.

The constant asking and nagging is getting on my nerves. One acquaintance asked weekly if I was pregnant because she wanted to be first (she's ten years older). Now that she's pregnant she keeps "rubbing it in." I'm a little jealous that she can want a child now, which I can't.

How do I get past this inner confusion? What's the best answer to people?

Frustrated

What happened to your "mature outlook?" Your reaction to intrusive questioning lacks any confidence in the realistic decision you and your husband share.

You two DO have a right to plan your life. And the same right to put off interrogators with, "You'll be the first person we'll tell." A repeat question deserves, "That's personal," and a change of topic.

Your pregnant acquaintance, 33, still sounds from Grade Six. Don't let her pull you to her level of rudeness... it's yours and your husband's call to make, when ready.

After our dad passed away, I discovered my sister had withdrawn cash and used his debit card for her personal expenses over three years without his consent. She also cashed in savings bonds. We shared power of attorney but, since I live 750 kms away, she did all of his banking after his stroke.

Tens of thousands of dollars are unaccounted for, including a withdrawal the day he died! She was obstructive with his medical care; I had to intervene repeatedly.

She tried to undermine my relationship with him by not informing me when he had to go to the ER or be admitted. My dad was mentally competent and articulate until the end. I'm considering legal action.

Now, my son, 19, is a student in her city. She's invited him to dinner. I've now told him the full details of her theft and obstruction. He said he didn't feel like seeing her but refused to discuss it further.

I'm worried that she'll manipulate him and use him to create conflict in our family. She's done this with him before. He was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, which he has under control and is happy and successful. I fear he'll have a relapse, since being in the middle of this makes him anxious and angry.

How can I help him stick with not seeing her and also get her to stay out of his life?

Distraught

Show your son your trust by not pressuring him, nor raising this in every conversation. If you try to control him, you'll stress him as much as she will. If you demand that she leave him alone, it'll spur her on further.

Talk to a lawyer about all the ramifications of a potential lawsuit, and how the whole family should deal with her if you go ahead. The lawyer could then send out a letter to ALL members of your immediate family about how to conduct themselves and what information to not reveal.

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