My wife and I have two kids; I do most household chores, look after the kids after my work, cook, clean.  

I encourage her to go out and have time to herself with friends.

I get up with the kids on weekends and usually take them out so she can do what she wants.

Three years ago we introduced a vibrator to rekindle the fire in the bedroom; but she’s preferred her toy to me. Any attempts by me to initiate sex have been turned away - there's always a reason.

My attempts to participate are rejected.

In the last three years we’ve had sex a grand total of 20 times. But she uses her toy when I’m not there – I can see when it’s been moved.

I shy away from confrontation, but this is eating me up.

- Angry and Rejected

It’s not the vibrator, it’s the relationship. 

Avoiding confrontation is only prolonging this unfair, dispiriting situation – by not speaking up you risk exploding with anger and just walking out one day. This would be totally unfair to your kids, for whom you’ve been a devoted Dad. So pick up your courage and tell her you refuse to continue to be replaced by a toy.

If she doesn’t want sex with you, she needs to say why. If she’s also avoiding confrontation this way, by keeping her anger silent in an unspoken power play, it has to stop, because the ultimate result will be a separation. If that’s what she’s after, it’s time to say so.

I suggest you keep up all the things you do with your children, but stop the constant concern for her to have “alone” time.

Talk about starting to do things together, both as a family and as a couple, including “date” nights. If she’s uninterested, suggest couples’ counselling. If nothing works, put a sign on her toy: See a lawyer, because I have.

Seven months ago my fiancée and I moved here from another city for career opportunities. We’ve established ourselves in great jobs, and have purchased a nice home. 

My family has supported every change and encouraged the move. But my fiancée’s family was devastated (he’s an only child) - I think they see it as him choosing me over them. They haven’t visited us once, though we’ve invited them numerous times. We’ve suggested flights and trains that would allow for easy weekend travel, and offered to pay.

We’ve returned several times to visit friends and family and my fiancée’s parents only agreed to see us when it was convenient for them.

When they call, they give my fiancée a hard time for not calling them enough.

Is he being punished for moving away? Or for his not marrying a Latino, like them?

Should we reach out or just see what happens?

- Future daughter-in-law

These parents are so hurt, that if their son wants anything of a relationship with him, he needs to go home and talk to them personally on his own. 

This wouldn’t be a betrayal of you, it must be something you both discuss and agree is necessary for future family peace, especially if you plan a wedding and consider having children.

Drop your imaginings about the Latino issue, since they haven’t raised it.

While many people of an ethnic background think it’s easier to relate to an in-law from the same community, that isn’t the issue here – it’s the distance. Reach out.

I’m 49, dated a gentleman in his 50s for five months; he worked out of the country weekdays. 

For a while, we dated every weekend; then, we averaged two dates a month due to his job.

Suddenly, no phone call... not for two weeks.

He finally responded to my email that he couldn’t handle a relationship at this time.

Is this the normal route men take when they want out of a relationship?

- Expected Honesty

It’s the cowardly route some men and some women take, even the older ones who should know better. 

Often, it’s a “shopper” who behaves this way – someone who stays on dating sites and eventually finds someone new.

His “closing” manner was hurtful, but be thankful he’s out of your life – a guy like that is not a keeper; unless he comes back with a commitment and credible apology, don’t risk dating him again.