My male best friend from work, in a common-law relationship of six years, recently said he’s unhappy with her and has feelings for me.

I was shocked! We’re from the same culture and faith; though differ enormously in its practice (I value faith and have strong morals and values to which he doesn't subscribe).

I said he shouldn’t end things with her in hopes of us becoming something. But he’s told her he wants to split up.

His family’s very pleased and supportive, as she’s of a totally different background.

I don't want to lose our friendship. We could possibly work as a couple but my family and I are more religious. I’ve since met his sister and he’s eager to meet my folks.

It takes me time to warm up to people in a relationship, and I’m unwilling to engage in premarital sex. This strained my last serious relationship and made me break it off.

Fearing Loss

Your faith, morals, and values all differ from his, yet you’re talking yourself into a relationship, in order not to lose his friendship. This is NOT a good basis for marriage.

Also, he’s unlikely to agree with abstaining from sex until marriage (which is why you mention it), so that’s another area of contention you’ll face.

Decide NOW, whether your “best friend” feelings were really about daily companionship. OR, whether you really love him, and you both can compromise to have a life together.

Two years ago, I arrived home early, and overheard my husband talking out loud. He was angrily calling me a bitch, saying I was a rotten wife, mother, and person. Also, he said our kids are a big disappointment because I didn’t raise them properly.

When confronted, he said he didn't mean any of it. He says that was the first time he did that, he wouldn’t do it again, and he loves the kids and me.

I stayed around when he thought he was alone and I’ve heard things that made me hate him. He speaks as if “directly” to me, swears at me, says he could be further ahead in life if I were different, or he hadn’t married me, he’d like to smash my head, I’m stupid.

This goes on regularly. Our kids, now early-20s, may be home, but he still “talks” because he believes they’re out of earshot.

I’ve told him that I know everything he’s said. First he denied it, then admitted that it's just him venting when he feels frustrated. But it’s every single time I’m not visibly around.

I’ve said he should leave me because his unhappiness creates and feeds negativity, like a cancer.

I feel my life has been a waste. I’m depressed and having health issues. I’ve suggested counselling and he agrees, but then refuses.

I think this is the end of my marriage, but I seem frozen.

Devastated

His bizarre, nasty outbursts may have a root cause that has little to do with you. Meanwhile, you have enough reasons to flee his verbal abuse. He could become physically abusive, too.

Yet, even if you leave, urge him to explore with a doctor whether a medical condition has caused this onset of weird talking aloud, defaming you.

Some mental health conditions and deteriorations are manifested through anger, odd behaviour, and negativity. Stop being “frozen” in this situation, which could worsen.

Separating from him may be the reality jolt for him to recognize he’s isolating himself from people he claims to love, and that he needs help.

I was single and unhappy, so moved abroad. Now I'm with a great guy, but desperately want to return home.

Yet I doubt I'll be happier there, because I'm apparently unhappy no matter what. I’ll probably regret leaving him. He’ll move with me, but not for several years, after he saves money.

I've had various counselors, for years. It wasn’t working. I’m probably depressed, but don't know where to get the help I need.

Unhappy

Therapy alone doesn’t always “work” for chronic depression, which you indicate you’ve been experiencing. Other factors – nutritional and fitness improvements, and, possibly, prescribed medication – can boost the potential for lifting depression.

If you can’t find such a combined approach while abroad, return home and re-commit to a counselling process that helps you see your life choices clearly. Choosing a path will become easier. So will maintaining relationships, with this guy or any other.