During the second spring in our new home, our neighbour said she didn’t want our cats on her property, we should keep them on a leash or indoors.

She blamed only our cats, not other neighbourhood cats or wildlife. We stayed amicable, as her relative babysat our children at her house.

However, she began sending emails including one threatening to contact Animal Services.

Soon after, I approached her regarding another issue and she yelled at me relentlessly in front of her child, the babysitter’s children, and my children.

Immediately, we removed our kids from the babysitter's care and don’t allow our kids onto her property, which meant our children no longer played with each other.

What’s stupefying is that soon after, the neighbour began letting her child play outside with ours (on our property), and now no longer stays outside during this time. My husband and I end up babysitting her child (and his friends/relatives in tow).

Our neighbour still doesn’t talk/look at us, yet continues to take advantage of us. What do we do?

Stupefying - unless you realize that humans, in general, can be unpredictable. Some people have moods, hormone swings, and chemical imbalances. Some drink, abuse prescription and other drugs, and have anger issues. If you don’t know a person well, it’s sometimes impossible to know just what triggered an outburst or odd reaction.

Your response was wise: Protect your children first and foremost. As things ease up, take no unnecessary chances, even if the kids can only play under your supervision. And make sure there are no happenings to the neighbour’s child or any other, under your watch, that could be misinterpreted.

Continue to remain watchful and cautious. This person could provide another sudden, inexplicable drama.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who wrote about her husband not forgiving her for her past mistakes (May 7):

Reader – “My husband and I recently separated because of this very issue. Every mistake I ever made in the relationship was never forgiven - as though he kept a list detailing errors, and several times a month the list would be revisited.

“I was told how I had never made up for any of the horrible things I’d done (Note: I never cheated, stole, spent our money, or even flirted. My mistakes were part of my learning how to be in a relationship as my relationship with him had been the first for me in over ten years, since high school).

“No amount of apologizing, explaining, or crying ever made any difference. Everything in our relationship was 100% my fault, and I was told so frequently.

“I suffer from depression and see a therapist regularly as well as take antidepressants. I have done, and am doing, everything I can do to work on myself. My husband also suffers from depression, but says it’s my fault, that I make him miserable, and it is my responsibility to fix it.

“After over a year of being told what a horrible, selfish person I am, and my husband refusing every time I pleaded for us to go to counselling, I finally left.

“I would add to your advice to “Confused”: Please keep in mind that your emotional well-being is the most precious thing you own, and do not let anyone take that away from you. Leaving my husband is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but the sense of relief of not constantly being blamed and berated has been enormous.”

In my area, there’s a lot of jockeying among previously-hired Nanny’s, to secure jobs with higher incomes, less children to care for, homes with less work, etc.

Recently, I was approached at my child’s pre-school program (more Nannies than Moms attend with the toddlers) and asked if I wanted to hire this woman. She’s very nice with the child, but I happen to know that her employer (who’s not my friend) just hired her recently and is happy with her.

Should I have told the employer about her seeking another job? It’d mean that all the other Nanny’s I see every week would then consider me a “snitch.”

Uncertain

So long as you observe that the child’s being well treated, you have no other loyalties here. So it’s a case of MYOB (mind your own business) and neither poach nor snitch. Just say that you’re not hiring at this time.