My husband and I are divorcing after ten years living together and 12 married. We have a daughter, 12, and I have two adult children from a previous marriage.

Due to career changes, my husband spiralled  downwards emotionally, psychologically, and physically.

He’s lied to his family, and now I need them to support him and our child emotionally.

He’s very acrimonious and is leaving the country for an extended period, casting me and our daughter in financial disarray. She’s hurting badly.

I’m considering sending them a synopsis of issues between us, to counter his false accusations.

His family and I always had a great relationship. Our daughter’s the only grandchild on their side.

I own everything outright, without debts on my assets, but I can’t sell them during this process. He emptied large sums of money from the bank accounts and is claiming destitution to avoid a personal debt.

He tells my older children that he wants “blood.”

His leaving the country will seriously complicate and prolong my case.

Without money, I’ve accumulated huge credit card debt and because I can’t sell anything, I’ll soon be evicted with my daughter.

That’s why I thought of sharing documents to hopefully get his mother and sister to tell him to step up and be a man.

I’m 59 and haven’t worked for years, and he’s 54, a trust-fund kid, whose money and assets are offshore.
I have the support of a great psychologist and a great team of lawyers, yet my case is going nowhere!

My older children have helped, but due to work contracts, they can’t stay here. I have no other family.

Desperate Divorce Case

If you think his family can influence him, then tell them that you plan to send them factual documents. They may back away, as many people dislike involvement with others’ messy breakups.

However, since they’re apparently affluent, and if they know you own your assets, they may be willing to offer some financial bridging to make sure you and your daughter have somewhere decent to live.

Your bank would also likely be willing to offer a loan until your case is settled. This latter may be the best answer, since involving his family could create even more intense anger from him.

Stay with your psychologist for support and your legal team for advice even on whether it’s okay to show those documents elsewhere.

I’m a widow dating a widower, both mid-50s. We see each other every six weeks, as he has business in my city, and I travel to his city periodically.

We both have adult married children who don’t need our financial help. We’ve declared our love, met each other’s friends and families, and get along very well.

However, he’s never suggested anything more permanent like marriage and/ or living together in one locale.

I don’t really want to move to his city, as I have so many friends in mine, but I feel unsettled about not having any real plans or discussion about this.

Undefined Relationship

Start talking, without pressing him for answers. Tell him you feel “unsettled” about what may happen in the future.

Ask what he thinks – e.g. if one of you needs the other during a longer period than your visits.

Should you consider owning a home together in one city, or a vacation home elsewhere?

However, you don’t want to sound untrusting or insecure, since your current arrangement’s still working.

Make sure your “unsettled feelings” aren’t about what others think or worry you about, through dire warnings.

I’m dating a man who could only see me Thursday nights. He said it’s common for busy lawyers to work evenings and weekends.

We recently started to be intimate. I thought that might prompt some weekend time, and suggested maybe we could drive in the country and stay overnight at an inn.

He practically bit my head off, saying he was afraid I’d get needy, and either I accept things as they were or forget it. I don’t know how to respond.

Thursday’s Date

I suspect he’s married. If so, say, “Goodbye.”

Or, he’s a self-absorbed guy with a commitment phobia.  Your suggesting an overnighter doesn’t signal “neediness.”  It was a natural desire for continued intimacy.

If you now “accept things,” that’s all you’ll get – Thursday nights, some sex (he’ll probably limit it, lest you become “needy” again). Expect flare-ups if you ever actually need to see him in between.

Be unavailable Thursdays.