My boyfriend just dumped me – for the third time! We met two summers ago working as lifeguards at our community centre. I liked him immediately, but he was aloof. I found out he had a girlfriend. So, I played it cool, and we became really close friends.
We maintained our friendship through social media in the fall. Then I heard that he and his girlfriend had split up. We never discussed her. A week later, we got together. Our relationship was going smoothly for about a month. Then he dumped me. No explanation.
I heard he was back with his ex. I was hurt. Our friendship cooled. We didn’t speak much for the rest of the year. Then he reached out asking if I was working at the community centre again. I already had my job lined up and told him so.
The day we started, he told me he and his ex were done for good, and he wanted to be back with me. We had an awesome summer. We were inseparable and so in love. On the last day of work, he broke up with me because he was going away to a different university out of town. I was shocked and confused why he hadn’t told me before.
Two weeks after school started, he invited me out to see him. He said he missed me, our friendship and our relationship. I went and it was as though we had never parted ways. Back to being “us,” having so much fun and feeling so much love.
We spent the past three months doing the long-distance thing, and it’s been fine. Until today. He just texted me not to come this weekend, that he can’t continue this relationship, etc.
What am I missing?
Dumped, dumped, and dumped
What you’re missing is that this guy, though he may genuinely have had feelings for you, is a selfish player who’s more concerned with what makes him happy in the moment. You clearly made him happy when together, but the relationship wasn’t deep enough for him to put in any effort.
You’re young and have years of relationships ahead of you. Don’t let other people decide what’s right for you. If you like someone, go for it. If they’re not right for you, move on. Know you’re worth, and don’t let others use you.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman invited to dinner parties where she can’t eat what’s been cooked (Oct. 25):
Reader No. 1 – “I enjoy your column and generally find the advice you give to some pretty complicated scenarios very straightforward and sensible.
“The most logical solution for the woman with dairy issues, assuming she is lactose intolerant, is to pop a Lactaid or any other such non-prescription pill prior to these dinner parties. Given these dinners are not a daily event, every now and then should not be a problem. Both she and the hostess can relax knowing it is covered.
“I too am lactose intolerant. Milk, cream and ice cream are my no-no’s. If my dessert is plated for me with ice cream included, I pawn it off to my hubby or accept the intestinal fallout. If I know in advance about the dairy, I pop a Lactaid.”
Reader No. 2 – “I too have a fairly severe intolerance to lactose, which used to make it difficult in restaurants or when invited to dinner. I now find I can eat almost any dish that has a moderate quantity of butter, milk, cream, etc. by first chewing one or two extra strength Lactaid tablets, found in any pharmacy or health store. I wonder if she has ever tried them.”
Lisi –It wasn’t clear to me what the letter writer’s dietary issues are. Lactose intolerance is easy to manage; an anaphylactic allergy, say to peanuts or shellfish, is not.
FEEDBACK Regarding the rescue dog who doesn’t like its owner (Oct. 26):
Reader – “I am a dog trainer, dog walker, etc. My suggestion is that she eliminates all perfumed self-care products. When I began working with dogs, I got rid of all scented body and hair care products. Your natural scent is your calling card and identification for your dog.
“The new owner should get in touch with the rescue agency to see if they have trainers who can work with her and her dog.
This kind of avoidance behaviour is not natural for a dog. She should work with a trainer, not take the dog's attitude personally and not force herself on the dog.
“I would also not try making direct eye contact with the dog, talk to him, etc. until they are on better terms.”