My boyfriend and I met in university. We were together for a few years, broke up for just over a year, and recently got back together. He’s now in med school and I’m so proud of him. He has very little time for me and us, which I understand, and doesn’t bother me.

What bothers me is his focus. He wants to be a gynecologist. Not an obstetrician/gynecologist – JUST a gynecologist. I’m a little weirded out by a guy who is THAT interested in the female genitalia. And…. that means he’s going to be spending his days staring at women’s vaginas. Is mine going to still be special to him?

I’m not sure I can handle this. What do you suggest?

Odd job

I’m going to assume that your boyfriend can separate work from pleasure – literally. He’d have to have that ability or conversely, he’d find personal pleasure in every patient, which is HIGHLY unprofessional. Medicine is a broad subject with many specialized areas of study. If he’s fascinated by women and their bodies, then allow him to study us. We need good doctors who care about how our insides work, change and evolve, and who want to help us when we have medical issues.

But have a mature conversation with him. Tell him how it makes you feel. Try to get him to put himself in your shoes, just opposite. Ask him how he would feel if you spent all day every day looking at, poking, prodding and touching other men’s penises. He should “get it.”

If you are in this relationship for the long haul, then you’ll need to discuss how your feelings may change throughout your life, and how he can assuage any worries you may have now and/or later.

My husband and I married with the full understanding and agreement that NEITHER of us wanted to have children. Our friends supported us because they’ve known us long enough, as adults, to know that’s how we truly felt. We both have nieces and nephews whom we absolutely adore, enjoy spending time with, and spoil. But we just weren’t up for parenting ourselves.

I say “were” because my husband has changed his tune. We’ve been married six very happy years, and the topic has come up every now and then, always brought up by others, but quickly shut down by both of us. Until this last time.

My husband’s sister just had a miscarriage while pregnant with their second child. They had an easy first pregnancy, no complications, but had trouble getting pregnant with the second.  Then they lost the baby. My husband and his sister are very close, and this just rocked my husband to the core. He came home from visiting her at the hospital, with his niece who is (happily) staying with us, distraught. After we put her to bed, he came to me weepy and forlorn saying he’d changed his mind and now wants a baby more than anything in the world.

I was so shocked, I didn’t respond. I just hugged him while he cried. What do I say?

Happy Couple, No Kids

You say what’s in your heart – and only you know what that is. But first, check in with your husband. Was he overcome with emotion so much so that he lost his personal balance? Has he recovered, or has he been permanently swayed? No judgement – he may have been so verklempt by his sister’s pain that he felt that was his only recourse. Or…. He may have changed his tune.

Figure out what he wants and then dig deep. If he wants a child, could you be moved to change your mind? Or is this a deal-breaker? It’s your life and you need to be comfortable in your decision – because it’s permanent.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple with pole issues (Feb. 15):

Reader – “Nowhere does she mention how long she has dated him. Could be two months for all we know. So yes, she could possibly be missing something. She should talk to him, perhaps pick another date to celebrate just the two of them.

“Most importantly, to this possibly young relationship, please don’t take everything personally. In this case, it’s about him doing what he prefers to do on his birthday. Probably nothing more.

“Until a couple are serious, maybe even living together or engaged, just let issues go until you’ve talked them through. Just talk to him and maybe come to an agreement to pick a different day for some sexy time. People celebrate birthdays sometimes three times in the same week. It doesn’t have to be on the exact date.”